cinematic corner.

*yes that's my new nickname for him

PUSH PLAY PUSH PLAY PUSH PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

trust me you need to see the above video. If you don't you won't understand the insanity that is about to follow here.

he's a pretty fucking great vocalist actually...at this point I'm just so glad that RF was almost completely done before I found this video. I have been spending A LOT of time watching it.

Don't ask me how much. A lot.

This is him performing that song in my city last year. It's a thing, apparently. He grabs his dick every time he sings that verse. Had I went to that concert I'd be dead or arrested by now.

Here he is doing that in Brazil, half naked and straight up molesting himself.

Also - am I the only one loving that song? Man, what a good song!

OK WB....you wanna butcher a movie?

You wanna false advertise it?

You wanna make it embarrassing to be a DC fan these days?

You wanna bring Batfleck to, seemingly, the brink of death with pressure as Snyder is, probably, running around doing stuff like this?

Fine.

But you made Jared sad.

Shit is personal now.

It just makes my heart break. He spent 6 months developing his character and working on the movie. He had fun. He loved playing the part. Then he gets involved in promoting the movie being led to believe his scenes are in and he still has very much a supporting part. Then the movie is out and it turns out in spite of shamelessly advertising the Joker, WB cut Jared's scenes and reduced him, the Oscar winning actor, to a cameo. I mean this is just fucking criminal.

He shaved his eyebrows and waxed his pubes for the role.

He waxed his pubes, WB. That shit hurts! I feel like the execs should have their pubes waxed now as some sort of karmic justice. And it'd still just be the beginning of what they deserve.

He comes back after 2 years of not acting, literally doing them a favor because he doesn't need this shit and that is what they do to him?! Also apparently Jared's part in some other movie also got cut years ago and he was so hurt he was acting less. And now this happens.

WB if you deprived me of him in any future movies...

(fortunately he is shooting his next movie in September in Japan. Japan so lucky!)

Jared is slaying them. It's beautiful to witness. The fucking cave comment is hysterical. If I were David Ayer or WB execs I'd be very worried as to what will arrive in my mail.

He apparently is under 4 picture contract.

I'm not that familiar with contract law but it seems to me the actions of WB and leading Jared to believe he is promoting supporting part when he was in fact promoting cameo which put him at the risk of ridicule are unethical enough for him to be able to get out of whatever contract he has with these people if he wants too. I wouldn't blame him if he told them to fuck off and didn't return but I really want him to return. For my selfish reasons because the way things are I think we can all agree he is too good for this shit.

There is novelization out along with rumored deleted scenes list. Jared's Joker sounds insanely intense and the material they cut...it's unbelievable they cut it. For example there is a moment where Batman tells Harley Joker took something from him (Robin) so now he is taking something important from the Joker. The electroshock scene is completely different and the Joker fries Harley brain until the machine is dead. The Batman/Joker chase is longer. Jared has about 100x more lines. Here are his henchmen, a great design you kinda saw in trailers and didn't see in the movie.

To give you more perspective on this mess, other than the fact the novelization follows original cut and we saw cut footage in the trailers, the original score has lines from original cut as track titles ("You make my teeth hurt") and the promo stills out are from scenes altered in theatrical cut - eg. Joker on his knees in the club scene with Harley sitting on the couch behind him.

And now instead of shutting down everything but the Savior Batfleck's project they are announcing that Man of Steel sequelis probably happening. Who the fuck wants to see that?! Also - so you couldn't just do MoS 2 and Batman solo instead of spraying diarrhea all over DC fans not once but twice in 2016?

Why do I ask sane questions when it comes to insanity?

I really don't like the things Margot Robbie is saying. She is getting out of this unscathed and Harley solo film is coming in 2019 so she can do what she wants now. She called scenes with Joker snippets and said that his scenes were cut because they confuse the story. First of all, what story? Second of all, a whole bunch of scenes Joker has in the movie was not cut but shortened so her reasoning doesn't apply here at all. Third of all, by her own admission Jared did "half the work for her". It's shitty not to back him up now. Don't go on like this Margot or we will have a big problem.

Meanwhile, David Ayer is out there saying that he may have scribbled some notes about sequel to Squad on a napkin (so that to him is the whole script, probably).

He also said that Batman knocked out Joker's teeth after Joker killed Robin so that is why he has that grill. Problem here is, Ayer, that in your own movie Joker has that grill before Harleen becomes Harley. And in your own movie, Ayer, Harley is named an accomplice in the murder of Robin. Not to mention that Joker has that fucking tattoo of arrow going through a robin in Arkham before Harley is given electroshocks.

Can Ayer distinguish his elbow from his ass? I think we all know the answer here...

Then he said all of that shit - there’s a linear version we did where it opens up with June in the cave and tells the story in sequence with the arrests and Batman, and then we go to Belle Reve. Honestly, there may be six or seven different versions of the film. In that version, [test] audiences were left with a lot of questions and a little disoriented as to who to watch and why. So we came up with what we call the‘dossier’ version which has Amanda presenting the backstories and origins of the various members.

Six or seven cuts! Dossier version! Fuck me!

And yeah the audience is not confused at all now, huh?!

He just keeps talking. He calls the movie "journey of the soul" too. Here he is saying that he is the captain of his own vessel. Are you, David? Are you?

On a related note: there are signs that WB/DC have learned a lesson, following what was reportedly a difficult and rushed development process on David Ayer’s newly-released DCEU addition, Suicide Squad. Multiple sources have now reported that studio executives tried to make significant changes to Suicide Squad after Ayer had filmed his vision for the movie. WB/DC now appears to be following Marvel Studios’ lead and working out any such creative differences before a single frame of footage is filmed on its upcoming DCEU movies (as Marvel is known for doing with its MCU films) - from here.Well shit and fuck! Eureka!

If Jared gave his fans a signal, we would burn Burbank down. Starting today he is actually on his camp Mars thing where he is hanging out with fans and no doubt all kinds of glorious debauchery are taking place so at least he will be happy.

People are really upset - they are trying to get hashtag #moreletojoker to happen. The fans feel used - lots of people wanted to see the film just for Jared. They are sending him all sorts of messages of support (which he saw and was thankful for). Hell, someone even wants to sue WB.

My tumblr these days is basically a war zone of just defending Jared and scolding people for giving him a hard time - how can you judge him in the role if all of his scenes are drastically shortened? It's as if you judged Ben's Batman only based on Suicide Squad. Except Ben was given two whole scenes that weren't shortened by the studio. Jared didn't get that much. He doesn't have a single scene in this movie that was not cut short except perhaps the scene where he is lying on the floor surrounded by the knives.

I'm having straight up PTSD flashbacks to this movie. That music in acid bath scene like something from Daredevil. That random moment of Rick Flag eating fried chicken next to a motel window in the middle of the night. Enchantress waving her hands around and conjuring up portals of space shit which was like straight from Schumacher movies. Meanwhile, WB is out there saying shit like oh we broke the opening weekend record, what a success! The garbage is on fire, WB. Open your eyes!

The music video for that abomination playing during chemical bath scene was released but at least thanks to that I could gif my favorite moment in the movie:

I love the way she just freezes there, like in ecstasy, when we also hear Joker calling her infamous Harley Quinn. So good.

Also Jared talking of loins and crotch and following that with "Oh, come to daddy". Yes, WB you TRULY cut out all the filth from that movie (sarcasm sign).

You clueless bastards...look at that shit!

Phase 1: Hype the movie and say how much fun you had working on it.

Phase 2 (after it turns out the studio screwed you over): act sullen and morbid and talk of death while implying you will go live in a cave

Phase 3: KILL his fangirls so they don't suffer through this movie.

There is no other explanation than the above for what Jared is doing in recent reviews: when asked what Harley and Joker wedding song would be the unicorn answered by naming one of my favorites NIN's Closer and actually said those words. Here he is talking of a perfect date using the words that he should never be allowed to use.

How am I still alive?

This cast is the best!I really hope at the very least Squad will give them more opportunities. They did their best and they are not to be blamed for how the movie turned out to be. At that point I don't want a sequel, though, because we need Batfleck solo as soon as humanly possible. Ben will bring it. He will. He must. He is our hope.

Ben you make good Batfleck solo and have Jared in it doing lots of stuff and I owe you. I mean I'd help you bury a hooker on a desert if you pull that movie off.

I mean Batfleck can sure direct and act but he apparently cannot wave for shit ----->

God, I just hope he isn't out there in the wild, sending Affleck dead bats and robins with video recording of him singing "do you want me?" as he grabs his dick again but everything is possible when it comes to this glorious unicorn. I imagine Batfleck would be watching that like Bateman watched that tape in The Gift.

Let's just look at this again:

You know what, we need audio too.

The cooing.

My God, the cooing.

Bloom, Bieber, whichever of the celebs is next - put your dicks back in your pants. You don't have anything to brag about. When this exists...no one has. You're arriving with cupcakes to a party where there is a massive cake on the table already. Ain't nobody want your cupcakes.

Be cool, no one has that kind of strength.

It's tough to choose what's a bigger mess - WB or the Olympics

....

Nah, still WB.

Renee Zellwegerhad stuff to say. Yeah I'm not sure lying is the way here...I mean please, her following the change in her appearance with saying she didn't do anything to her eyes is like my following that above ridiculously long Justice for Jared manifesto with "No, I wouldn't let him kill me and eat me" or Ben Affleck telling people he is completely fine with where his life is atm. Let's be real here.

You thought Batfleck is looking bad these days? Here's Johnny!

So he fell off the wagon....into a dumpster. Here's him and his new awful haircut getting helped up the stairs by not one, not two, not three but FOUR men:

"depp is trying too hard to out-Marlon Brando in the fat, bloated, living in a delusion dept"

Still, team Depp. Heard is submitting a picture of herself holding a pill bottle as evidence that he abused her. Your honor, here is the pic of me and my dope! What the fuck, they both must be high and drunk off their minds.

At that point I wanna thank Jared, truly from the bottom of my heart, for aging so beautifully and always looking so nice for fangirls. Above is Johnny doing the yachting. Here's how Jared does it.

This The Rock's rant is beautiful. Apparently it's about Vin. Everyone were guessing Scott Eastwood. You know because of genes and that douchebag factor he has. It's probably PR stunt. If it isn't we can only hope both The Rock's and Vin's mothers are named Martha. Otherwise the world may explode.

Brad PittwantsDavid Fincher to direct World War Z sequel. Pitt go away with that shite. Also Fincher hasn't made anything that people actually got to see since 2014. It's always a waste when Fincher is NOT making movies. But he needs to stay far away from generic CGI crap like this.

Meanwhile, Ghostbustersis looking at $70 million loss. WHAAA? How can it be?! The critics say it's such a terrific, funny and awesome movie! The studio was saying it's a success! Could it possibly be that it was a boring, unfunny, unnecessary film that was a waste of everyone's time? Now, come on. Professional critics being wrong? That's impossible, right?! They are so knowledgeable and necessary!

Are tumblr feminists raging yet?

Shocking to no one, Barbara Broccoli reportedly doesn't wantHiddles to be Bond. Also RDJ trolled him on instagram. Is this the funniest career move that backfired in recent memory?

Well as much as DC is awful...Marvel just lost its one cool villain. Ain't nobody gonna take Hiddles seriously as Loki anymore.

Ruth, MettelRay and Dell review Suicide Squad

Brittani reviews Tallulah

Keith ranks Marvel movies

FlickChicks share 5 favorite Chris Hemsworth roles

Dan features tremendous and underrated Young Adult in his Thursday's movie picks

m.brown says his review of Squad will be up very soon so I am holding my breath here. I'm 100% sure it is gonna be more entertaining than the movie. I just hope he won't trash Jared. I don't wanna have to kill him.

RELATED POSTS:

Welcome to RF, or as we should start calling it the unholy union of my two friends - perversion and insanity as I take my readers through the journey so disturbing the only way out is to drive off the fucking cliff as I so eloquently illustrated above.

As you will be reading this you will probably think oh my God, she went nuts. Let me at least show you this. This is my job. I did 80 cases in 5 days. I think everything I carried today was around 70 pounds. People who worked in this courthouse for years literally came by my office today to see the stacks of files. They couldn't believe I did this much in one week, let alone during holidays.

I came home exhausted.

(these 5 next bullet points were written last, after everything else was ready because something major happened:)

So here I sit, 15 minutes ago sipping my drink. And then I see this.

Get on my twitter to see all the madness but here is selfie of me reacting to this.

There has been quite a bit of shitstorm between Jared and WB lately. But him being signed on their precious baby means this is probably them making a peace offering and wanting to bribe him this way. Don't care what the reasons are because JARED LETO IS GONNA BE IN ONE FUCKING MOVIE WITH HARRISON FORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just....I am just....just don't shave your eyebrows! And don't think you are a robot in your method acting!

Again though because let's just think of this - Jared Leto. Harrison Ford. Two men I'd die for, probably. In one fucking movie. Can you imagine the press tour? Both of them there? OH GOD.

(now let's back up to what was written before this happened, as I sit here and try to calm myself and remember if I die now I won't live to see the movie)

So on last Friday I made 4 decisions...

1. Rewatch Alexander.

2. Choose 210 min long edition.

3. Get mad drunk.

4. Livetweet it.

Not sure which one of those was the worst decision.

However bad you remember that movie to be, it is worse. Poor boo unicorn God had to say shit like this:

Also my crazy - firing up on all cylinders lately. The Alexander livetweet started innocent:

and then 10 minutes in took a predictable turn:

I have absolutely zero idea what the hell I was on about here:

Still my wit brought it.

Then it's gotten close to marriage proposals. Again:

People were straight up worried

the time to worry was during Urban Legend watch the next day. I am not shitting you this is one of the less crazy tweets:

Just....too far gone.

I of course passed out during Alexander and didn't finish it so far - just an awful movie. Urban Legend I had to stop an hour in because apparently a certain TV actor who shall remain nameless because fuck him I ain't giving him clicks disrespected Jared on his twitter. Naturally I had to deal with that and tell him exactly where his career will be soon.

I also called him a glorified extra.

And a bitch.

I finished the movie the next day and it was pretty good! And Jared's character didn't die! Usually in those horror flicks only the main chick lives to the end but I'd like to think people realized he is literally too gorgeous to kill off.

Then I saw Jared's documentary Artifact which was about the legal battle between record label EMI and Jared's band. It was such a cool documentary and it was really informative on how unfair to the artists the music business and record labels are. I mean I had respect for the guy before but this? Him putting such a fight and risking everything and then releasing the documentary? Amazing. Also he is so funny. And there are bits like him getting a Christmas tree and literally finding the ugliest one out there.

This entire ~~paragraph~~ post is just me drawing hearts, isn't it?

On Moday I rewatched Panic Room. I forgot what's gonna happen to his character so the denial was strong.

What is up with Fincher messing up Jared's face in his movies?!

By Tuesday things started getting legit weird:

I took a selfie of myself when 30 Seconds to Mars song started playing on the radio in the office. This is truly the face of madness.

So Courtney linked me this and what followed in my apartment was just loud squealing and screaming. DO THIS JARED!!!!

Here's Jared attempting to dance during Camp Mars last weekend.

He twerked! Mother of God he twerked!

Every time I see this picture I just shout the iconic phrase from Aliens (and can people stop sending/linking me this shit by the way? Don't you people wanna live?). There was allegedly Miley, Lindsay and Paris but this would somehow be worse.

Don't ask me what I was googling there but I found this:“I’ve been a porn actress for three years and Jared was the most I ever had to work with. There’s definitely a second career available for him if he ever runs out of mainstream work.” – Corina Taylor on having sex with Jared Leto.

Porn actress? Jesus Christ, what else did he put it in? The wood chipper?

On the other hand, could a normal girl handle Jaredconda? Maybe these are the only ones who you know, are not at the risk of....you know? Bone Tomahawk?

I know, I should have stopped before writing that movie reference which now given you vivid mental images had you seen the film, but my brakes are broken lately, baby.

I mean if this series of posts was always a bit like a drunk driver behind the wheel but lucid enough to care if the car doesn't crash ever since I looked into Jared's eyes during Conan show and heard him speak and was astonished this quirky guy I remembered from 2014 Oscar season was so calm and collected, and he did that cute laugh it was no longer just "oh, this guy is an eccentric, I wonder what he will say!", it's as if I just let go of the wheel and yelled "fuck it!".

I can't explain it. I mean usually someone I just start obsessing over is just an actor. But Leto is great vocalist too. It's everywhere. My music I listen, the movies I watch. And I love defending people who were mistreated and just look what WB did. This whole thing is totally taking my mind off shit in RL and it gives me opportunity to watch movie again - I was so depressed lately and thanks to Jared I've seen what? 3 movies in a week? That's more than I saw whole last month. I actually fucking feel stuff other than fear these days. it probably sounds crazy to people who don't really know what has been going on with me lately but this? This distraction helps. That is one hell of a distraction.

He is inspiring too. He literally does and says what he wants and doesn't care. So I'm trying that one myself *she wrote surrounded by 80 legal acts she worked on in just last week*. Well accordingly, at least.

SlayLeto strikes again.

And finally, no mercy.

You've probably seen the headlines Jared said F you to WB. A few days back someone on SHH forum quoted a post from tumblr that Jared said during Camp Mars that he feels tricked etc. about Squad. I follow the person on tumblr who wrote that. It turned out that someone who has relatively big website - Batman News - posts there too and saw our posts about it and that tumblr account of a fan ended up being the subject of their "news" article - the first posted on that "story". So basically the guy used the tumblr story of a fan using her impression of what Jared meant when he was saying things and posted it. Then of course all the other outlets posted it, sites like cinemablend and ign. In the attached video when asked about what his thoughts are that WB doesn't allow him to do any rock-climbing (Jared loves that) he said "fuck them". Jared throws F word around a lot so it was a joke, a harmless one but it was of course used as clickbait "Jared says F u to WB!".

What the hell is journalism even? People taking impressions of someone from tumblr as news and just massively spreading it around. So stupid.

OK so Depp is no longer just Ibiza off the wagon into the dumpster drunk.

He is now writing messages in blood and paint while cutting off pieces of himself, literally drunk, which I seriously didn't even know was the phase that existed.

And it's time to abandon any team because these people are legit fucking insane. It's like trailer trash documentary this week. I am half expecting to see the video of Depp raping a goat while killing a hobo when I wake up. I mean they settled, but come on. She probably has many videos as insurance.

Also - worst lawyers ever.

First we had the video of Depp treating kitchen cabinets horribly and pouring himself the biggest fucking glass of wine I've seen in my entire life.

But then it got worse.

So you are telling me there are worse things to do while drunk than to livetweet ultimate cut of Alexander (and sit through it)?

If that is true then what the hell is he drinking? Gasoline? I had wine and shots on Friday and yet I hurt only my brain, liver, ovaries and heart which broke every single time the beauty boo unicorn was on the screen...but my fingers are FINE.

Seriously how fucked up and on what does one have to be to do this?

Billy Bob Thornton is freaked out. I'd be too. You run Billy, you run from this shit.

Also can people stop insulting the good conniving name of Amy Dunne and comparing Heard to her?

So remember how I suggested Idris Elba was the one who made sure Hiddles hooks up with TayTay to wreck his chances of being Bond? Now Idris is attempting to show the world he is fearless and saying stuff like that, in phase 2 of his plan to become Bond. This is overplaying your hand, man. This is straight up Tony Stark giving the terrorists his home address in Iron Man 3 levels of no-no. You run too, man. Follow Billy Bob on his bitches be crazy trail.

Tom Hiddleston looks like he aged 10 years in 2 months. When asked about Swift he gave a nonsensical answer. Who the hell talks like this of a parner?

Another bitch. Also after his dick pics leaked there are now comments about it under every post about this guy and I sit here like, why? Seriously? Why? Why would anyone notice something so small in the world where this exists?:

Just any excuse to post this footage, really.

Tay donated $1 mil to help people of Louisiana who are now facing this horrible flood. Normally I'd be like yes, that's great! Louisiana is magical protect it! and that would be it but not now. Because you people keep sending me that pic of her and Jared the only thing I can think of is that this is a ploy because Jared IS from Louisiana.

This wholeBirth of no Nation situation is just gross.

Not only does Amy Schumer exists, now she has written a book entitled Chipmunk with a tramp stamp. Bitch if that sex tape leaked, no one would watch it. Unless some truly sick fuck would use it to torture people with.

Brittani,Keith and FlickChicks review Suicide Squad

OntheScreenReviews lists Best Soundtracks of All Time

Dell features amazing Killer Joe in the picks for Crime Gone Wrong movies

Flixchatter ranks Bourne villains

Jordan reviews Bad Moms

I know I kinda linked it already last week but m.brown's review of Squad is something to behold. He is the only one smart enough in our entire blogosphere to act like he is being taken hostage (by me) when talking about Leto. The day of judgment will come for the rest of y'all.

RELATED POSTS:

Thanks to lovely MettelRay for giving me an opportunity to post something in addition to usual Friday insanity :)

As given, every award has a set of tiny rules for accepting it, here are the ones for Sunshine:

1. Post the award on your blog
2. Thank the person who nominated you
3. Answer the 11 questions they set you
4. Pick another 11 bloggers (and let them know they are nominated!)
5. Set them 11 questions

Here are my answers:

1. What was the last movie you saw and loved?

First time viewing? The Nice Guys. Still my favorite of the year. If rewatch than it's lovely Mr. Nobody.

2. Name an actor, an actress and a director you would pair in a movie and what genre would it be?

Jared Leto, Emily Blunt, Shane Black, comedy. Jared needs to do a comedy!

3. Last song you listened to.

Ooh that is easy!!

4. Book to movie adaptation you would like to see happening in the near future?

I'm still waiting for Master and Margarita to be adapted in a decent way. But the one that is actually in the works is Sharp Objects which was an awesome book and will hopefully make for a great TV series.

5. From all the Chris’, which one do you prefer: Evans, Pine, Hemsworth or Pratt?

From fav to least fav - Pratt - for Parks and Rec and he seems like such a cool dude, Hemsworth - really love him in his comedy roles and Thor is my favorite Marvel movie, Evans - he has one of the most honest laughs ever, Pine - you gotta love that single tear during Oscars

6. Name your 3 movie pet peeves.

1. When I actually know how much studio interfered because they put cut footage in freaking marketing (Hi, Suicide Squad!)

2. People having sex in their clothes and any kind of 'creative' cinematography to hide nudity because MPAA would make everything R rated otherwise

3. Horrible use of pop songs to appeal to teenage demographic (Hi again, Suicide Squad!)

7. If you had to choose, what season would you live in forever?

Autumn.

8. Imagine your pet (or an imaginary pet) had an inner voice, which actors/actress’ voice would he/she have?

I imagine Gustav is judging me loudly in Michael Sheen's voice.

9. You had a really bad day, what book or movie will make you feel better?

The Wolf of Wall Street.

10. If they were handing out superpowers based on your personality, what superpower would you want and what would you probably end up with?

I'd like Christina Hendricks looks but as a perv I'd probably get invisibility or something.

Oooh yeah the best one!:

11. Sleep, Marry, Kill:

Round 1: Joel Kinnaman, Ryan Reynolds, Dave Franco

Sleep - Reynolds - he is kinda hot,

Marry - Kinnaman - he seems like a super cool, nice dude,

Kill - Franco - he really annoys me.

Round 2: Jared Leto, Chris Evans, Orlando Bloom

Kill - Bloom - that fame whore even Katy Perry who is dating him looks annoyed

Sleep - Evans - he is kinda hot, like Reynolds, that is basically my reaction to both of them except Reynolds seems stuck in TayTay Squad because of his wife

Marry?! BOO BOO! Oh just for so many reasons.

Round 3: Paul Rudd, Tom Hardy, Michael Fassbender

(and yes we do need another gif here)

Kill - Fassbender - sorry Michael!

Sleep - Rudd - you gotta love Paul

Marry - Hardy - he is so hot and loves dogs too

Round 4: Choose between three guys you picked to marry from pervious rounds

Kill - Sorry, Joel but you are going against my two favorites

Sleep - Hardy

Marry - Jared

Here are my questions:

1. Who would play you in a movie based on your life?

2. What is your favorite movie ending of all time?

3. Who is your favorite cinematic Batman?

4. What is the funniest movie you've ever seen?

5. Your sexiest movie character ever choice?

6. What do you like most about our movie blogosphere?

7. What is your favorite movie blog?

8. Will Sati survive Blade Runner 2?

9. What is your most anticipated movie at the moment?

10. What is the most underseen movie you love?

11.What movie character do you identify with?

Here are the awesome bloggers I pass this to:

Courtney - On the Screen Reviews

Kevin - Speaks in Movie Lines

Ruth - Flixchatter

epileptic.moondancer

Brittani - Rambling Film

Keith - Keith & The Movies

Dan - Dancin' Dan on Film

Andrew - A Fistful of Films

Anna - Film Grimoire

Nikat - Being Norma Jean

and of course m.brown - Two Dollar Cinema

250th issue. For almost 5 years you guys have been killing your IQs just by viewing this shit.

Let's get to the bad stuff first - Gustav has 85% narrowed spot in his trachea which means he is gonna have a surgery in 2 weeks. There are no words to express how badly I am freaking out. The worst part is that the thing they are gonna insert in there may not take in which case he will have to go through invasive surgery. But happy thoughts only now.

I'll get to that BLATANT PORN you're seeing above in a moment (yes, those are my gifs. Yes, when I tried uploading them, tumblr gave me an upload error. I restarted PC and the Internet died. Yes, that is a true story and yes, I blame Jared for all of this. I also blame him for the fact this bullet point took me a minute to write because I kept scrolling up).

I have made my phone unusable with its new desktop. It distracts me for good 15 minutes whenever I just check the time.

Very disturbing thing happened - and I mean more so than my recent tweets and posts - once the news of Jared joining Blade Runner 2 hit I did not think of the most obvious thing there is. What the hell is wrong with me?!

Well there are several answers to that question, but let's just move on.

I am so sick and tired of websites going like "ooh Jared Leto is gonna ruin Blade Runner now!". Shut your whore mouth. He is a great actor. These people misjudge him on 7 minute performance that consists or the studio shortening every single one of his scenes to secure teenage audience. And the gifts? Please tell me how does it personally affect anyone that Jared Leto sent some condoms (which were just unpacked, not used!) to people? Go watch Dallas Buyers Club, Requiem for a Dream, Mr. Nobody or Lord of War, haters.

I mean the guy is just perfect for a replicant (no way he is playing any other character!). If someone told me he is a replicant in real life I wouldn't question it, let alone on the movie screen.

Let us take a moment and realize what Harrison Ford and Jared Leto being in one movie together means other than me 1. having to drink less so I am actually alive in 14 months from now to see it 2. having to write a will before I see this film 3. having someone accompany me to cinema to call the ambulance. It also means Jared and Harrison will promote the move together. I fear for him. I mean look at this.

As written before the ad showed up: The massive threat to ovaries is coming - Jared is the new face of Gucci. There are already pics out there. And you just know some sexy video ad is about to follow.

As written after the ad showed up: NOPE MY GOD.

As written after the video was taken down because apparently the Russians leaked it early: FUCK, now next few bullet points won't make sense!

Well to give you a picture other than sniffing the wrist, also this happened:

Am I dead now?

Is that model who is there with him dead now?

Are we all dead?

That fragrance has a very accurate name (Guilty).

That whole ad is such a train wreck tho. I wish you got to see it. These girls there look like they escaped from some Mormon village (what is this dancing?), there appears to be fake lashes thrown into a glass (why?), there is no story (please tell me what leads to getting your wrists sniffed by boo so I can engage in that starting point), my God. The only explanation is that the second Jared took his shirt off everyone lost their minds and didn't know what to do there.

At that point I am convinced he doesn't actually exist and we are all hallucinating him. This is just too much, it's not possible.

He got even hotter. There is a little bit of grey in his beard in recent snapchats.. Jared uploaded that picture on instagram with black and white filter. It seemed to me he is doing that to mask those gorgeous grey hair. So naturally I had to (HAD TO) drop a comment of how lovely it looks on his instagram, among all those girls writing stuff like "wanna see my boobs?" all over his dash. When even I deem something inappropriate, then it means it's seriously inappropriate.

Jared. Boo boo. You have fangirls who are in their 20s or even older and who can appreciate a man your age. Yep, some of us are old enough to drive (though I don't because so many would die if I did) and have serious jobs (seriously fuck my job, look what happened again this week! that one intern I mentioned on twitter? Month in and he quit this bullshit) etc. and still worship you. There are many women who don't consider eyeliner sexy but this silver fox stuff? Oh, hell yes!

I mean I find that beard thing and him having to wear reading glasses to read the lyrics (apparently this happened during Camp Mars cue in *awww!*) that were lying on stage super adorable ergo hot.

Yes, I did drunk livetweet one of his movies again:

The typos above are sponsored by Jack Daniels.

The film was awful. I swear it made Alexander look like Schindler's List. But Jared kept being shirtless and grabbing his dick, so all in all evening well spent.

Tonight? 1997's Switchback. The reasons for seeing it are important. Look out for my pervy tweets in about 23h from now.

I also livetweeted American Psycho on Sunday. I know that what you are most curious about is what I livetweeted during the murder of his character. Here we go:

Also:

Grammatical error sponsored by 7 AM.

I am nowadays corrupting people of my board with shit like this

Does Will Smith look like he cannot wait to get away from him to anyone else too?

Holy Batfleck, just hit play. This made me cry multiple times (eg. each time I watch it) this week:

Between Cooper's bitchface and Farrell looking like he is having violent flashbacks to Alexander this is just amazing.

Also Jared clearly chose ONE joke/anecdote and rolled with it that whole season. I am 50% sure he only waxed again for the Joker to be able to use that again.

THAT IS NOT OK!:

He is so skinny. You just wanna capture him and feed him.

On the other hand even as skinny as he is, I wouldn't break him.

He would break me.

(you know what I mean)

I'll stop now *stands in the shame corner going like this:*

So in other news....

Amber Heard donated all that dough to charity. Meanwhile I betJohnny doesn't even know what day it is.

Where is he? Are him and his shit mohawk still on Ibiza? Has he cut himself in half with a chainsaw and was so wasted he didn't notice? What is going on there?

Seriously, how good is this guy's PR team? He is one of the biggest stars in the world. He is a mess, cuts off his finger and accuses a fellow actor of banging his wife in blood graffiti. And we don't know what the follow up is? What he is up to? We don't even know where he is? It's absolutely amazing. He could have killed dozen hookers in the last two weeks alone and we wouldn't know.

Magic - almost as soon as I wrote those paragraphs we get news. Read it, it's golden. I have no doubt Depp is an alcoholic and is drunk right now. But his alcohol tolerance must be EPIC because what he pulled here is some cunning shit. Amber literally won't see any of that money.

Batfleckis set to make a remake of Witness for Prosecution. Batfleck, what the fuck, my boy? You are supposed to be saving that shit show that is DCEU not making unnecessary remakes! And the plot twist here, in a color film, would never work as well as in the original! Stop the madness, Ben! Stop the madness!

Here's Batfleck looking happy along with his his kid and the cast of that Harry Potter play. Margot Robbie is also there, almost right next to Batfleck.

Hmmmmm...

Meanwhile, when Bohemian Rhapsody played on the radio this week I discovered I now have aversion to it due to its association with ShitShow SuicideSquad. The more I think of this, the more it makes me so furious and I need Ben to do exactly this --->

Bitch better have my money - Xenu.

Justin Bieberis getting his dick insured for $5 million. Shall I tweet Jared to inform him he should get his insured for 100 billion dollars? I'm just roughly assessing the monetary value here.

"Save Children Suffering"

Hiddles still thinks he may be Bond. He has as much chance of landing a Bond gig and riding in those fancy cars as I have of riding Jaredconda and surviving to tell the tale.

And him and Tay are fake-fighting nowadays.

Also look at this fucking tiny cup. What the hell is that? If he wants to be Bond Hiddleston should surround himself with/hold massive objects like (I swear this is not yet another pic/gif or Jared holding his dick) pictured here.

Well, that above in brackets? Technically that was not a lie!

It's actually Loki eye rolling that Thor has fangirls but I'd like to think it's Hiddles being ignored in favor of Hemsworth:

I love that Hiddles is now the part of quadruple of cringe along with Lohan, Lochte and Gibson (the TV bitch that got fired) of DListed hilarity this week.

Seriously this Lochte guy. Oh my God. How I laughed over all of this and memes this week. Also I legit saw people call it in Dlisted comments section.

Meanwhile, looks like Doctor Strange aka Beryl Cumsatchel will show up in the third Thor movie. Every single piece of news about this just makes me sad that Jared turned down that role and is now stuck on DC shit express through Hail Snydra tunnel to reeking dumpster fire and rotten tomatoes at the stop station.

STOP greenlighting shit until you figure out how to make decent movies!

So That Justice League Dark thing has Constantine and apparently Colin Farrell is rumored to be the studio's choice. Why can't they just have Keanu back? I thought he was cool in the role and I really liked his Constantine movie. But Farrell would be good too, though I've recently been informed of kabbalah inside Jared's fandom that believes that Jared is not only gay but the love of his life is Colin Farrell (I am legit serious about this, that fraction is out there making fanblogs for that pairing and everything. Do NOT google that shit, trust me). So if they are both in DCEU shit will get messed up all over tumblr so fast. I made a serious mistake of googling this thing. I found this. The picture of him checking his phone behind ScarJo as he is making out with her is priceless.

Seriously, though, this is me when reading that post:

Baby, you're such a whore. But I don't blame you.

Look, I don't care about Mary Jane so the news of Zendeywhatever playing her don't bother me. But while reading of Ragnarok I found out that one of my favorite characters, a blonde called Valkyrie is gonna be in the movie. And then I found out this chick is playing her. I know that representation is important but these are characters people imagined to look the certain way for a long time. It's a bit much.

Not sure what is worse - that they made anotherThe Ring sequel or that Vincent D'Onofrio was called a "B actor".

Goddess Samanthais 60.

Keira Knightley has problems like a lot of girls - her hair started falling out from ~~anorexia~~ dying them and she has been using wigs. Thing is - Keira doesn't really have this many different hair colors in movies. I feel like maybe she is on the breakthrough of realizing, hey, maybe I should eat something?

Justin Timberlakeis being a little bitch ~~again~~ continuously.

Looks likethis month's most entertaining feud is over. Sad face. I'm just impressed Vin didn't put some hashtag about Paul Walker in there, unlike Tyrese who did just that previously. I see tons of funny shit each week but that insta post from Tyrese on the left is straight up legendary.

"too many heart too many hearts"....good Lord, my livetweets of Jared films written while I'm both in heat AND inebriated are straight up intelligent comparing to this.

“They are playing a huge prank, and it’s all for publicity. The Rock convinced Vin to amp up the drama between them so they could turn it into a WWE match to help promote the April 2017 release of Fast 8.” Well, that's one way to promote a movie...

T hat is just horrific. Also it shows that some people really should be send condoms.

My God, could Natalie Portmanbe more condescending and snobbish?

Last week I told Billy Bob and Idris to run. Now it's Vladimir Putin's turn.

This is so not how you're supposed to look when you're on the back of a motorcycle driven by George freaking Clooney

You know previously I was just ignoring this Nate Parker scum but now I am furious. "Conspiracy"? How did this POS find someone to breed with him? What kind of scum rapes a woman, drives her to suicide and then instead of having some shame and self awareness still has the audacity to pursue a career in spotlight AND whines about how tough it is for him?

I spent 40h a week working in justice system so I don't even have the heart to ask American readers who are more familiar with the case than I am what kind of fucking logic is it to have 'they had sex before' as an excuse in rape trial.

More in the world is so gross department. Can we do something, anything? Is there somewhere I can sign a petition to...I don't know...run some tests before people are allowed to use the Internet? Trolls are even on general imdb boards today calling this woman racial slurs etc. I cannot just stand there and do nothing as someone is getting harassed. This is gross. It's like bullies picking on one person in high school except the Internet is that high school now.

Before today Scott Eastwood was just bland. Now he is also gross. So yey for him, characteristic gained. I mean who the hell is so desperate and thirsty for media to talk about them that he talks of his ex girlfriend dying a horrific death (I guarantee you without warning her family first) but not in the context of how awful it was for her family, but how awful it was for them? The whole thing is just pathetic. In the summer of celebrity peen this dude could have just whip his out to get people talking but no, he had to use 'my ex girlfriend died X years ago, gee it was sad" story? That just leads to me ask the following:

How small is your dick, Scott?

And as usual with really dumb people it only got worse. D has a piece on this GQ spread too. And that one is straight up laugh out loud funny.

As are as usual the comments:

Damn. There's discipline and then there's "You put the clothes on the wrong cycle, bitch!" *PUNCH!*Clint's such a fucking asshole.

I don't know about choosing the wrong wash cycle, but Clint would probably punch someone for mixing colors with whites.

Clint punched Scott and destroyed the two functioning brain cells he had left in his head.

I can't with this nightmare. How awful for her! Good God I'd kill to breathe the same air they breathe:

(why do you think out of thousands of pics I chose that particular picture of boo from this event? And by making you look again and call for men with straitjackets to deal with me, I leave you for this week.)

Ruth shares highlights from Chicago Comic Con

m.brown reviews Sausage Party. Breathe a breath of relief - he didn't take his kids to this

Brittani, MettelRay and Courtney participate in Against the Crowd blogathon. Courtney's entry messed me up - it's about Practical Magic which I love and has my favorite movie kiss of all time (I'd give my possessions and my soul to do it with you know who atm) but also...where are good, sexy men like Aidan Quinn's character and romantic scenes like that in movies we are getting these days? It's just depressing!

Wish Nikhathappy 24 birthday!

epileptic.moondancer reviews War Dogs

and another one:

RELATED POSTS:

*makes kitten noises*

*claws walls*

*cries*

We started on a high note with Jared's Snapchat where he looks divine.

Now follow me into a rapid dive into a shitter:

If you think Suicide Squad is the worst thing Jared has been in this year....you need to see this shit.

I mean here's Jared looking ill-lit and depressed in the dumbest perfume ad ever. And that ad cost 6 million! 6 million!

Who shoots Jared in dim light and shadows? Light the unicorn, you idiots! Tell him to look at the camera! Don't give him a lady blouse to wear! Don't give him anything to wear because what the fuck!

Yes, Jared. This is certainly getting me to ask questions. For example:

What are you doing with that shoe?

Again - what is up with those eyelashes in the glass?

Why are you channeling a sad gigolo?

Why aren't these girls all over you?

Why is this chick, while being in a bath tub with you naked, choosing to GRAB the perfume bottle of all things?

Why when you are kissing her cheek doesn't she turn her head and shove her tongue into your throat?

Why would anyone near you allow you to get dressed and go outside?

Why does God hate you this year?

Why can't I be a model in Venice instead of being a depressed lawyer in Poland?

...why?

That snapchat video Jared took of himself at the beginning of the post should be the ad. The hair, the beard, all of it.

Still tho....

...

I am such a shallow whore.

No, but seriously, how high were the people over at Gucci? What the hell is this picture?:

or this one?:

This looks like a cover art for pretentious synth pop band called "EMOTION" started by a narcissist with two chicks to play guitar and drums. It's fucking awful.

I mean isn't the point of getting a famous actor to advertise a product getting people to think they will be like him/her if they purchase that product? All that ad is asking is "do you want to look sullen and do pointless crap and not even bang two anemic chicks that hang out with you?"

Not that anyone could be like Jared. The only way to be like Jared is to go back in time, not to the birth or conception, but to the very beginning of motherfucking time when God took that particle that was born out of some insane godly beings orgy and shaped it, throughout all this time, into that angel and unleashed him on us in 1971.

A whiff of perfume will not do that.

Why the hell couldn't they just let Jared make this ad? When his creative ideas venture to the subject of sex shit is so hot it gets banned!

There's an interview about this too. "I like stop signs and libraries and schools.". Good Lord, he sounds like Steve Carell's character in Anchorman.

Between this and Suicide Squad boo boo has been in some horrendous shit this year, man

Jared did another video chat on his/his band's streaming site (I do not have an account there - in my last shred of sanity I decided it's safer for everyone this way - it's like that horror movie trope where someone is possessed by a demon but manages to regain a hold of their body for just long enough to kill themselves and not kill the others) and he did this. Also when he thought people cannot see him on webcams anymore he proceeded to take the hat and the sunglasses off following up with this--->

I don't even have a comment here because my brain just shredded itself.

Nanny from the Omen? I feel ya, gurl. I feel each day we are getting closer to me reaching into my chest and taking out my beating heart while yelling "Jared, look at me! I'm over here! Jared, I love you. Look at me, Jared. It's all for you!" during 30 Seconds to Mars concert.

~~Probably.~~

Yep, livetweeted again. Switchback this time. To my shock that was actually a good movie!

Pair my livetweets with the fact that I watched that video of a guy fucking a McChicken...all in all I really think Internet access should be taken away from me.

In my defense same can be said about Jared and his Snapchat.

No seriously, I truly need Jesus after seeing that McChicken thing.

AMEN.

Look at that bitch. She is thirstier than I am.

Well not really, but still that's a funny video.

Here's Jared performing End of All Days on Fallon's show. Turns out when he is performing on talk shows, there is no horn grab. Also he brings in the choir. Makes sense, since there are no feverish fangirls to sing for him.

I have some Jared videos for you to watch and remember if you don't hit play something terrible happens. Angel dies, puppy becomes sad, the rest of my brain cells fight to the death....whatever, just hit fucking play.

This may be the most adorable/awkward thing I've seen. He is so absolutely terrible at this:

Awww:

And finally, yet another live version of Save Me so you can all cry before my upcoming Batfleck rant:

So on Monday Batfleck thought it would be cool to throw a grenade at the nerdosphere.

The blast from it is still making us climax all over the place.

I don't really give a shit about Deathstroke (and should probably be mad because there's possibility that this dude is the main villain in Batfleck solo and that means that boo boo got screwed out of yet another movie) but how do you not get turned on watching this?

Rumor has it that the armor in the footage Ben tweeted is hiding Joe Magic Chest Mangianello. Us nerds, while quivering, took to twitter to discover Joe is 1. now in London (where they are shooting the majority of Justice League) 2. following Hail Snydra 3. and most disturbingly - following David Ayer. It takes some dedication to WB to follow that one and see the dumb shit he tweets.

(Begone Ayer, you incompetent fuck)

And Sofia Vergara, Joe's wife, just followed Batfleck.

(during my investigation I noticed that even though Batfleck follows Snydra, Snydra doesn't follow Batfleck back. First you put him in a crappy film and now this? What an asshole!)

I'm confused about locations - last I've seen Batfleck he was doing shots with Cavill in Miami. Gal Gadot and the rest of JL guys just arrived there few days back. Since Mangianello is in London, did they just leave him with Snyder and Hail Snydra is sending Batfleck footage?

Is Batfleck wasted and tweeting shit instead of attaching it to the e-mail?

Here's my epic idea for Batfleck solo.

*stands in the shame corner. Again*

...

*stands there some more*

...

We're good?

OK, let's continue.

Have you seen recent pics of Cavill?! OH MY GOD!:

It came from the deep ....... and it can go back.

Jayzus. He looks like my car did after I got T-boned in an intersection and my wonk-eyed headlights were smushed together but staring in opposite directions.

Westworldtrailer is kinda cool but I think HBO marketing dept thinks that ending is cooler than it really is. Yeah, that was not an impactful enough scene to end on. But I'm so glad Evan is back to doing something worthwhile! And maybe we will finally have something good in steampunk subgenre, because man, does that it appear cursed so far. On the left you can see the poster for the show.

Yet again there is a mess. There is a movie in the works. There is a role of a transgender person in it. Matt Bomer gets cast. Cue in the backlash.

Can you give me at least 2 popular, acclaimed transgender actors right now? There's Laverne Cox. Got any more? Matt Bomer is popular, acclaimed and is gonna get people to watch this story. Do transgender people want their stories to be heard? Do they want more representation? Well, then we need to see transgender characters in the things people will actually see and I guarantee you the casting of Bomer means more people will see this than if an unknown transgender person was cast. And the vicious attacks against Bomer and Ruffalo give the transgender people bad name. Couldn't really care less about your plight seeing this mess. And that is on you, not on Hollywood.

Another thing - Jeffrey Tambor plays a transgender person on Transparent. Where is the backlash there?

And another thing - Bomer has it hard as it is. He is an openly gay actor. Any role he lands is a big deal. Yes, I think because he is gay he is not a bigger star. That's wrong and honestly LGBT community should just be happy for the guy instead of attacking him on twitter.

You cannot have it all at once. You need to have the environment for that first. People will be interested in stories about transgender people but first they have to become aware of the issues they have. How else to do that than to make popular movies?

Wanting too much all at once is OscarsSoWhite thing too. Screaming that the Academy is racist when there were maybe 2 or 3 actors who had a shot to get nominated will backfire so hard. You know what is gonna happen? IF a black actor wins an Oscar this year, even if he/she deserves it, people will say he/she only won because of last year's backlash. And if Stone wins with Negga (oh, good luck to presenters saying that one! Please get Travolta to do this!) or Davis the poor girl won't have a chance to enjoy that one, because SJW won't let her.

Because it's all Bomer's fault that transgender actors don't get cast. Because it's all Stone's fault if the black actress won't win.

If you fight for something and clearly are an idiot you make people roll your eyes not just at you ("Matt Bomer's casting will cause violence towards transgender people!") but at the whole issue you are "fighting" for.

Good God! Jared Leto accepted his Oscar with full beard! THE HORROR!

If I were a writer or a director and was planning on doing a story involving transgender person I'd drop it now simply not do deal with the hysterics.

In other news, here is the rapist fame whore - does this asshole have an off switch?!

You guys, we have a new sighting of Johnny9 Digits in the wild!:

Apparently Johnny is still getting helped off the boat in Spain. It's hot as fuck in Spain yet he feels the need to wear shirt, hat, necklaces, vest....is he trying to create a shack out of his clothes so he can just put his face under his shirt and inhale booze fumes?

Speaking of the fug, it is rampart here.

I understand very little of this wholeChris Brown mess but the fact this dude threw a bag filled with drugs and guns at the cops is just golden.

Also can anyone explain this to me - how come when he did that, the cops didn't instantly go inside the house? How come he had hours to re-enact Goodfellas?

You know what I hate? When skinny bitches like this one and Sophie Turner are being called curvy. Curvy is me. Curvy is Christina Hendricks. Curvy is Adele. You've got nothing.

Here are the first pictures from Beauty and the Beast. And here's the first look at Dan Stevens in the movie.

Pamela Andersonwants you to stop watching porn because it kills souls. Has she been inhaling Depp shirt fumes?

Here's Britney Spears on the cover of Marie Claire. Or shall I say someone whose DNA is the result of splicing Kristen Bell, Britney Spears and some random botoxed Hollywood housewife.

Last I checked was right after embargo for Light Between the Oceansjust lifted and it was flopping all over the place. I heard it's rising on RT score but I don't care enough to check. Anyhow, Alicia Vikander and Michael Fassbender are in Venice right now (and this is what she is wearing. She looks like a Bavarian farm girl who is about to milk Fassbender.) and here is what Fassbender said about them dating each other - "Yeah, we met on that job and have been seeing each other since. She’s such a fierce performer. She’s so brave. She’s not afraid to bring ugly personality traits to the forefront in characters. So I was really impressed by her immediately". Those are like, Hiddletits levels of romanticism right there. Ooh "ugly personality traits in the forefront in characters", baby.

This bitch complaining about nepotism is like me complaining about insane people having Internet access and a platform to express themselves.

All I know about Drake is 1. he is a singer (right?) 2. He played this with Jared over at Ellen's show and I watch this clip A LOT. Apparently he is intoRihanna and everyone is excited. What I am getting from this is that Drake is Jorah Mormont of R'n'B world. He seems like a nice person. And she was with DiCaprio. It's probably a zoo down there. Run, man.

My VMA viewing was strictly of this madness. Didn't see Britney, didn't see Beyonce, don't really care.

Haven't seen Lemonade once, just leave me alone in my liar with my Sisters of Mercy.

DiCapriohad dinner with Inarittu. Lord help us, is there gonna be more moaning in the wild?

Also he is in trouble.

I can picture it now. A panicked Leonardo DiCaprio runs down into the lower deck of the S.S. Snatch Catcher and throws his Oscar at his forever life intern Lukas Haas. “HIDE THIS! They can come for my money, they can come for my panty models, but they can never take my precious!!

I'm loving how all of this is actually channeling The Wolf of Wall Street.

"Carlos Danger is thinking with his dick and his dick needs a lobotomy."

La La Land screened in Venice and it's getting great reviews.

Ann Coulter, who I am told is an awful person, participated in The Roast of Rob Lowe and got roasted the most. I'm very much looking forward to that one. I rewatched the one for Franco this week and it is golden. Bill Hader as the president of Hollywood going "I worry about you. I really fucking worry about you. You know when people talk of John Wilkes Booth they go "you know he used to be an actor?" I feel like you're going down the same road. You’re going to start a forest fire that kills 20 people while making an experimental Vine video." is one of the funniest things I've heard in my entire life. Jeff Ross saying "Franco is half Italian and half asleep" and "does Ryan Gosling ever call you, starts laughing and hangs up?" is as well. So psyched Ross will be there for Lowe's too. Anyways, here is some stuff from Lowe's roast:

Here's Jeff Ross on Conan show talking about it. It airs on Monday!

Speaking of the Gos I finally watched his SNlL gig and this is unreal. Especially the pervy elves one.

I also rewatched The Nice Guys which was just as funny as the first time.

I saw Sausage Party on Saturday.

You know....this is exactly why God has left us.

Like, OK. The movie was very clever. Cera and Hayek were both excellent. But the problem is it was just not very funny. There was shocked laughter (I lost it when that condom showed up) but none 'it's so damn funny laughter. And I hold these guys to higher standard considering they are responsible for the funniest movie since Tropic Thunder.

Also that bagel was Edward Norton?!

Seriously, people in the cinema laughed more during Suicide Squad than they did during this. Hell, Leto's second billing drew more laughs than the entire Sausage Party.

#NeverForget #BurnDownBurbank #SaveBooBoo #BatfleckSmuggleBooOntheSet #NoDeathstrokeYesJoker #Jared4Life #BooBoo4Eva #WhatisaBrain

Finally saw The Neon Demon. Honest to God you'll see something else on the corner than you did for weeks now which is Jared perving. I've reviewed that shit! I think I will have the post ready on Monday.

Yep, it was that good. It's shocking given that it's from the man who gave us this. I was looking forward to the movie, just not forward enough to go see it in the evening in the cinema when it played here for 2 weeks (you've seen my pile of work, that I am posting this is an superhuman effort, let alone me ever having enough energy to see 120 min movie sans boo boo in it). The film was so hypnotic and engaging, I may actually rewatch it soon. So glad to see Abbey Lee continuing to deliver such a great work. What the hell is going on with that Luckiest Girl Alive adaptation? She would be perfect as lead.

Here is my mini Visual Parallels gifset for The Neon Demon and Black Swan

My 27th birthday is 2 days away. Here's me today, still looking relatively good. I imagine on Sunday my face will just melt off or something. I'm celebrating a little today before the party tomorrow (because we cannot - no, we shouldn't - drink on Sunday) and I wonder what movie to watch Gone Girl or Wolf of Wall Street since I wanted to see something out of my favorites. I will follow up with something with Jared in it too. Gonna be a hardcore party weekend because for the rest of September I'm doing a cleanse.

But don't worry - in the most shocking news ever RF is actually always written when I'm sober so the cleanse won't affect all this delightful content.

So in honor of my birthday, let us celebrate with my favorite thing:

All hail.

m.brown answers my Sunshine blogger questions

Mariah reviews Don't Breathe

epileptic.moondancer didn't like The Shallows

Ruth lists her favorite movies of the year so far

Brittani finally saw BvS

Courtney's awesome website has a brand new look!

RELATED POSTS:

Nicolas Winding Refn is a weird guy. We all heard of his bizarre feud with Lars Von Trier. Apparently throughout production the of The Neon Demon, when filming was to resume, he wouldn't yell "Action!" to set things in motion. Instead he yelled "Violence, motherfuckers". Then there is the fact he is one of the directors who uses the color best in modern movies, yet apparently he is color blind and can only perceive contrast. Then it turns out he is one of those dudes who would use those takes that went a bit too real than they were supposed to - Abbey Lee accidentally punched Elle Fanning for real. Because of Fanning's genuine reaction, Refn ended up using that take for the final cut.

But one thing that I think we all know? He makes divisive movies.

The Neon Demon, which premiered during this year's Cannes film festival is one of those films. The film received both boos and cheers upon its premiere with someone even screaming "Fuck you, Liv" upon seeing "for Liv" line (Refn dedicated the movie to his wife Liv). I was worried approaching this, I'm not big on style over substance stuff, but on the other hand female-led thriller horror about cutthroat environment sounds so much like two of my all time favorites. So is the Demon closer to the great Drive or to Only God Forgives, which is one of the worst things ever?

I'm pleased to report it's the former. It just may be my favorite movie of the year. Granted it is probably thanks to my penchant for this particular subgenre or the fact that I simply have not seen a lot of movies lately, but for so little substance on the surface, Refn smuggled surprising amounts of it in other things sneaking in information about characters in glances, props and production design. In the effect what I dreaded could come off as pretentious and boring perfume commercial (minus blinking Gosling) was actually a very engrossing film and I was surprised when I checked my watch to discover I'm actually more than half way through it.

Much like Black Swan, The Neon Demon leaves enough to viewer imagination to keep us guessing and dissecting the movie. The film is absolutely drenched in occult symbolism giving it a sinister vibe (though admittedly a movie about models, the world's most dangerous predators, already has quite enough of that vibe). The film has actually much less explanation than the original script. We see characters do things, we see why they do what they do. We however don't see the middle - how do they come to the decisions as to what they do? How did they come to be this way? It doesn't really distract you from the story and it gives people plenty of room to theorize.

Add to that the sheer number of shock factor. The film has not one but two of the most shocking scenes of the year, both of them improvised. There is also some random stuff here and there that I have no idea what it meant (it involves blood and moon). Refn and his actresses aren't silent and give explanations, the problem is that their explanation means nothing when what we see on the screen is so much stranger than reality. Then there is this one scene with Jesse encountering a gigantic triangle that you can straight up interpret as the beginning of demonic possession. You know where I saw something like that last?

Refn also improved when it comes to making a really tense and disturbing scenes. The most disturbing thing about Only God Forgives was that these talented people were wasted on that incomprehensible shit. The Neon Demon delivers several really terrific moments - there is one moment where Elle Fanning's Jesse, barely sixteen, is left alone with a male photographer she just met. He tells her to strip. They are left alone. Refn paints the whole thing with such dread you can imagine what may happen and then the whole thing turns much more innocent than what it could have been and also weirdly sensual.

Another scene which was probably the film's most disturbing involves Jesse listening to a thirteen year old girl in a room next to hers getting raped and potentially murdered. Refn drops one of the most impressive shots of the film in there with Jesse pressing her ear and hands to the wall, as seen from the other side of the wall. The film did a really great job of showing that all that beauty is really just barely above surface of filth and Hell on Earth.

As good as The Neon Demon is at capturing its metaphors, there are some bits missing from the film's original script that I really missed. Christina Hendricks' modeling agency chief part is shorter, missing the moment where Jesse sees the portrait of her when she was young, and as she compliments her for her past beauty, the character grows hurt and sensitive. The character of Ruby was actually changed for the better, giving her sinister vibe in the film. The last scene in the script was better but still what we've got here was really great too.

As for acting Elle Fanning is a bit underwhelming but she has shining moments - like when she meets the designer and does a walk for him (though Alessandro Nivola's acting almost blew her off the screen completely). She sells all of her character traits, naivety first and then extreme smugness. Keanu Reeves is very good as the sleazy motel owner and Hendricks is memorable in her single scene. Bella Heathcote, whom I remember as dead-eyed inappropriately young girl Johnny 9-Digits was romancing in Burton's Dark Shadows is surprisingly great as a model addicted to plastic surgery.

But it's Jena Malone and Abbey Lee who steal the show. Malone is fantastic as deceptive, lonely, tragic and dangerous Ruby, a role that asks a lot of the actress and drives her to participate in some of the most daring scenes I've seen in a while. Malone walks the thin line between creating someone we feel for and someone we are afraid of, in the end making her Ruby fascinating to watch and very enigmatic.

Lee, who was just spectacular in last year's Mad Max: Fury Road, is hypnotic as Sarah - a model past her prime ready to do whatever it takes to get back into the spotlight. It's a true sign of Refn ability to create interesting characters and Lee's terrific acting that even after we see Sarah do something horrible and repulsive we still feel sympathy for her when she lets out a smile as someone she wanted to notice her finally does.

The Neon Demon may be thin on plot but its by design - the film is set in the brutal world of fashion, where people are disposable and judged solely based on their looks. Still, Refn brings a lot of interesting new elements to the tale - letting the audience fill in the gaps with their own imagination and introducing some out of this world elements which work as allegory but may as well be interpreted as fantastical plot points that push the movie into supernatural horror genre.

With its vivid colors and pulsing score by Cliff Martinez, it's more Suspiria than it is Black Swan, with its heavy reliance on visuals instead of psychological layer of the characters and the story but the film's hypnotic quality and enigmatic narrative really glues you to the screen, much like Drive did.

88/100
The Neon Demon (2016, 118 min)
Plot: When aspiring model Jesse moves to Los Angeles, her youth and vitality are devoured by a group of beauty-obsessed women who will take any means necessary to get what she has.
Director: Nicolas Winding Refn
Writers: Nicolas Winding Refn, Mary Laws, Polly Stenham
Stars: Elle Fanning, Christina Hendricks, Keanu Reeves

I love this man with entirety of my black heart and dark, dark soul but the only thing I could think of when I saw the second gif was this:

To give you a bit of a perspective on how drunk I was on Saturday (well, actually it was Sunday) after getting home from celebrating my birthday and then celebrating some more? At around 4 AM I was like hey, I haven't seen Requiem for a Dream in a long time! Let's watch it!

I actually did watch most of it but when a moment came when Leto's character started pimping out his girlfriend for drugs I noped the fuck out of there and opted for Lord of War instead which I also had to nope out of before the end when they, you know, shoot his character to death.

Seriously Jared, how about a romantic comedy every once in a while? We, your fans would be much more sane if you gave us a role like that. Or you know, just say hey girl during one of those Snapchat videos of yours. Or hold a flower. Hug a puppy. Blow us a kiss.

Maybe sane is not the word...

(He actually did go to some thing in Malibu with his friends and his friends' children on Sunday and rode a rollercoaster so that was super cute and he snapchated so much of it and the fans are so grateful for it. We're never in danger of not having something new to swoon over.)

I'm so excited I may vomit.

He snapchats everything every single day!

I'm not taking any of this well

Germany was probably where he was changing flights because:

YAAS BUDAPEST

Denis Villeneuve revealed he hasn't shot any scenes with Harrison yet....WE ARE SO CLOSE TO BOTH OF THEM TOGETHER!!!

I live in fear they will make him shave that beard. But if they don't can he still be a replicant? Harrison has a gigantic beard now too. It's beard heaven. Goddamn, I'm gonna die during this

DO NOT DO A FACE TATTOO!!!. Also the audacity. First he wrecks them for all other men, then he uses their make up.

Jared's next role, in The Outsider, is actually a prisoner of war who then goes on to fight Yakuza.

So again, cheery as fuck.

But when he looks like this what do I care? ---->

There's so much room under that blouse.

One could fit under it with him....

I'll stop now.

Will there be prison cell scenes with him doing push ups shirtless?

Will he have a gun? Or like a fucking katana or something? Oh my God. I wanna see boo kill people while looking this intense. And imagine how intense he is gonna be when he loses that juvenile, several sizes too big Gucci crap he is unnecessarily wearing.

(I can't stop, evidently.)

Before I dove into the horrific of Requiem I watched Sunset Strip which may as well have had no plot and probably didn't because I was there for the obvious:

To quote Nikki Glaser (I'll talk about Lowe's Roast in a moment) - he is so fucking hot I can barely take it.

He was in it for like 10 minutes but goddamn was that 10 minutes well boobootilized (yes, I made a word out of boo boo and utilized). He was either shirtless or sitting on a horse, wearing a cowboy hat, begging a woman to make out with him and then banging her up against the wall while moaning (which he is excellent in, by the way).

At one point he said "I may not be a big man...but I'll make it worth your while" and while shirtless he started making out with this girl.

I think in that moment I did leave this Earthly realm for a second.

What a great birthday movie choice.

Apparently, I live-tweeted some of it.

That I forgot/never registered I did that was sponsored by gin and tonic. Don't drink it, it's awful.

What did I get? Well, more booze, earrings, the cute box for my stuff (my earrings and make up are everywhere in my house, it's madness) etc.I was apparently going to get something with The Joker but my friend accurately predicted it would give me PTSD and just got me a dragonfly mug (I like dragonflies) instead. I also got so many birthday wishes via text and on multiple boards and social media platforms so thank you!

On the evening of my actual birthday and while sober...ing up I saw Florence Foster Jenkins and Love & Friendship which were both good but not great.

The first one - Hugh Grant easily stole the show there. Simon Helberg is getting lots of love for his performance and I do adore him in The Big Bang Theory and his Nic Cage impressions are amazing but I didn't exactly buy what he was selling here. His character was so awkward around men I kept waiting for the reveal that he was gay. He was also so delicate and naive in some scenes but in other scenes not so much, so the characterization was all over the place. Still, it was nice to see him in a big, potentially Oscar buzzed movie since he is a very funny guy and I hope he has a good career. Streep was good as usual but it was really Grant's show who finally had more to do than he did in most of his roles. His character was absolutely wonderful too and already entered my favorite movie husbands hall of fame.

Love and Friendship was better than FFJ in that it was funnier (Florence made me shed a tear during the Carnagie Hall scene) and I was looking for a comedy. The whole movie had a very witty script but Tom Bennett in the role of idiotic wealthy Lord won the movie - he was so funny! I was shocked this guy didn't star in anything well known so far, I was sure he was in some famous British comedy or TV series before. Kate Beckinsale was decent but her performance and looks (so plastic!) are both overrated. If anything I thought the ensemble, together, was outstanding.

Shia LaBeouf was almost in Suicide Squad (in Scott Eastwood's role). I know lots of people are like "he would team up with Jared" but I think boo boo would be scared of this dude. Boo may be a whore and an eccentric but he is not violent, out of control drunk. He sends condoms, not throws them at people. Also Hardy was supposed to be to be in Squad at some point. Between Shia and Hardy beating up on each other (Lawless set, anyone?) Jared would be the studio's dreamy gentle flower to work with.

Can this sow (no offense to pigs) just go away? I'm so thankful she didn't sit next to boo boo. The thought of that being in the proximity of the divine is chilling and disgusting. Also you gotta love how the guy she was talking about only said this. He probably has no idea who she is and wants nothing to do with her attention seeking antics.

This is how badly Sony doesn't want to have to hire Hiddletits for Bond gig.

Jesus Christ, Craig must be laughing his ass off. Daniel take that money. Turning down $100 mil is having big balls. Turning down $150 mil is fucking mad.

Get that money and crush Hiddelston's dreams. Make him realize he stunt bearded with Taylor for nothing. Or don't take that money and by god let Idris Elba get the role and have the most GQ mother fucker alive take the role and demolish it with his fine ass. Anyone else as Bond in this moment would be such a colossal waste of Idris Elba's fine ass looks and voice made to be Bond.

So first he poses in that I love TS shirt like a whore and now he bitches about feeling like a whore? There is literally no way to spin this mess in his favor. Hiddleston, no matter what he does will just come out of it as a lame famewhore who couldn't even pull off publicity stunt and it backfired hilariously. I mean it's embarrassing to do publicity stunts to begin with but when they go wrong? He is like a child who wanted to impress fellow classmates with his breakdance skills and in the middle of them he fell on his ass, broke his tail bone, started crying and then when he was being carried off by paramedics, his pants fell off and it turned out that he has a small dick..

He can always say or pretend he is gay or something. And that this was his desperate attempt to hide it. I even have the perfect guy for him - Bloom. He has zero shame too.

Between no balls and tiny dick (Yes, Brit, it is tiny!), it's like it's written in the stars, you guys!

Then this happened.

“She was the one to put the brakes on the relationship. Tom wanted the relationship to be more public than she was comfortable with. Taylor knew the backlash that comes with public displays of affection but Tom didn’t listen to her concerns when she brought them up. [Tom is] embarrassed that the relationship fizzled out."

If Johnny Depp has the best PR team in the world, Hiddles has the worst one. He is coming off as a fame whore even in a press release about the relationship that made him into fame whore in the first place!

The frightened cats are alone with her again. Where is Peta when you need them?

Good God, man. This is so much worse than that time Kaley Cuoco and Henry it came from the deep and it can go back Cavill pretended to date by going out for grocery shopping ONCE. Three months Hiddleswift lasted and nothing came out of it then further alienating the public and delivering fizzling out instead of a spectacular blow out. Couldn't they pretend to beat each other up? Since it's clear Tay has the upper-hand here couldn't she like smack him, publicly? At least that would be exciting. Say what you want about Lindsey Lohan but at least she puts some energy in her fame whoring.

Here is his PR team trying to spin different, more Bond-friendly story

And here's Idris and Chris Hemsworth trolling this bitch.

Because the one thing missing from the whole Johnny Nine Digits saga was Marilyn Manson's endorsement.

That article on Celebitchy is a mess, tho. Manson is not saying Heard crucified Johnny Lost My Mind on Ibiza Depp. He is just saying the media did.

The Roast of Rob Lowe was fantastic. While none of it was as funny as Ross and Hader during Franco's it made me laugh so much and I actually watched it twice already. Rob was a fantastic sport and his closing rebuttal was hysterical. I also liked that he was so polite to Ann Coulter - yeah she deserved all those jokes at her expense but Rob laughed politely at her jokes (I actually didn't think she was that bad and it was clear she was nervous as fuck, she was stammering so bad) and was very encouraging. I loved Spade as the master of ceremony and lost it when Spade said "look how hot he is...there is no dry pussy in this place!". They really went hard after some stuff - Spade made a quip about Charlie Sheen having AIDS and few people made jokes about the fact Pete Davidson's dad (firefighter) died in 9/11. Jimmy Carr delivered the most outrageous one - "I'm appalled that people would come here and make fun of the sacrifice Pete's dad made on 9/11. This is not the Roast of Pete Davidson's father. That happened in 2001". I also had no idea Lowe, back when he was very young, made a sex tape with sixteen year old girl. LOTS of jokes about that too. Here are some of the best:

Rob has been clean and sober for 26 years. To put it in perspective if sobriety was a baby he would have fucked it 10 years ago - David Spade

People call Rob a bad actor but it's only because they never saw him tell his wife he didn't fuck that nanny - Pete Davidson

Rob in both of your sex tapes you appeared with two other people. Good God, man, you can't even carry a sex tape - Rob Riggle

Rob you're so fucking hot I can barely take it. Rob truly defies age....restrictions. Look at you, you're a fucking Adonis. You're like sculpted...you put the "statue" in "statutory rape" - Nikki Glaser>

Jeff Ross was dressed as Prince and remarked "I'm dressed like Prince to roast a queen!". He was the funniest - "Rob it's not easy for actresses in their 50s but you keep swinging baby.", "When Comedy Central called me and asked me if I participate in your roast I said "I'm with her!", "Prince is gone but not forgotten...as opposed to Rob Lowe who is forgotten but not gone".

Just so fucking funny!

ManJello is Deathstroke

God is real!

I really hope Villeneuve won't say that shit about the lighter to boo boo. Jesus, the set would burn down because you know he would probably take it literally.

Here's JDM talking erotically of Lucille.

Leois still out in the open and not hiding from feds

Kanye's fashion show was a hysterical mess

Here's trailer for Gold with McConaughey. Looks pretty good!

So Suicide Squad is not the worst thingWill Smith did this year...

Mel Gibsonhates BvS. Also his newest movie got a roaring 10 minute long standing ovation in Venice.

Here are the pictures from London premiere of Bridget Jones' Baby which apparently doesn't suck.

Gustav's surgery was on Wednesday and it went well. His trachea is now completely fine but he needs to take medication for the next 30 days. He is also seriously pissed off at us - yesterday when we got him he was too high to care so he ignored us in the car, but today he is seriously mad and throwing dirty looks all the time. But he is healthy and can breathe normally now so it's all good!

Alex features Ed Harris in his In Character series

Brittanikilled boo boo in that game. It's an outrage.

Stephanie lists her favorite book adaptations

Fisti gives his awards for 2000. The real story here, though is the amount of comments he gets. I bare my fucked up brain every week and you cannot move your ass to drop 'shall we call for help?". Dudes, come on.

Ruth shares Five for Fifth for this month

Kevin and Dan feature awesome Rules of Attraction in their picks for College movies

m.brown reviews the pretentious misfire that is The Lobster

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I know it's technically cheating since I already used Black Swan in a pair with Shame, but that was years ago and as for potential pairing up with Suspiria, Swan has way more visual parallels with Refn's latest, so I went with that one.

Black Swan and The Neon Demon are both set in a competitive, feminine environment - ballet and modeling. The younger, hungrier and more unique, the more successful they are. Black Swan is told from the perspective of the girl who is getting rejected only to finally land her big break, meanwhile The Neon Demon has all those girls getting rejected in the background on the story, focusing on young girl who arrives on the scene and instantly gets noticed.

Both films employ mirrors, injuries, surrounding the innocent girl with predatory male figures, trippy club scenes, girls lusting after other girls and possible possession angle.

Most of these are kinda straightforward but I also included some stuff like the prince who transforms into the evil sorcerer standing behind Nina and Jesse in front of that triangle after which her attitude changes (possible possession), blurred vision shot with Nina in the bathtub and Jesse in her last moments, red and teal tone dominating the final moments of both heroines' lives and the fact that the director shows us the last thing they both see before they die - well second to last for Jesse being the night sky and the reflectors shining bright for Nina.

(click to enlarge)

I have been watching Jared's snapchat even more creepily and attentively since he landed in Budapest, waiting for those glorious pics of him and Harrison.

Because goddamn, I deserve those pics.

On Saturday Jaredwas photographing the city.

On Sunday he photographed potatoes he was about cook (I'm hoping).

This is next level trolling from J-boo.

He also emerged from his hotel and took some photos with fans while obviously having his beloved red flannel shirt with him.

That shirt gets more mileage than his dick, you guys.

He even found a climbing gym and went there.

He just snapchats and climbs! That's all he does! I can think of other activities for him. I think climbing would be involved too.

Nudge nudge, wink wink.

*shame corner time*

...

Yesterday he snapchated his feet. Okay, well this is progress in that a part of him is actually in the fucking picture.

And then we got selfies! Look at the size of that feral beard! An android with a beard? He is shooting already so what is going on?

Have you guys seen that Live by Nighttrailer?

OH MY GOD that Batfleck hits the wall shoots the gun moment!:

The one on the right is like something straight from Nolan's Batman.

I almost shat myself!

Batfleck! YES! You can botox your face off but damn, you know how to direct a fucking movie, baby!

This looks dope as hell. Also can we please have Hozier's songs (here it's Arsonist's Lullaby which is AMAZING) in every single trailer? It is mixed in so well and the sound and editing of that trailer is just awesome.

I hear the film is very good, Fanning has a meaty part but not very big, but Sienna Miller, while also not having a big part is the best out of female cast. I quite like her and time and time again she proves she can do a lot even with a small amount of screen time.

And here is Batfleck's new suit in Justice League (which will be J-booless, sadly)

Meanwhile, in real life Batfleck must have been drinking and dialing again.

Brad Pittis out there, talking. I don't know why, is he in something? Is something he produced being released? First he talked of Trump and Brexit, now he compared Mel's Jesus movie to Scientology propaganda. Hm. Well, Brad in case they fire back you're on your own because Heroina looks even worse than usual lately.

Emmys are happening this weekend. Literally the only thing I care about is for Hiddles to lose. The face he will make will be glorious.

"A source tells Hollywood Life that Tom is positive he’s going to win an Emmy award for The Night Manager. In fact, he’s “expecting” to win. The source adds: “He can’t wait, its like a kid waiting for Christmas morning"

Pathetic.Also this is probably coming from Swift's PR team since it makes Hiddles look even worse than before. Well, that's fairly shocking since I didn't think it was possible.

Hiddlesneeds protesters to sway the public. Have them attack him and people will go 'poor him!'.

He is gonna be the final presenter at the Emmys. That's just sad. Also potentially awful if he presents the award to D&D. The sheer amount of entitled douchebaggery, tripled, would be impossible to endure.

Michael Shannon single-handedly won TIFF with this outfit --->

Ladies and gentlemen my entire world crumbled. And it's not because I have been doing my cleanse for the last 7 days now and I have Betty Davis crazy eyes and feel higher than ever while ironically only eating right and not drinking (have you ever tried this? It's like you are floating, seriously). It's because one good performance can be given by a bad actor. Two good performances can be given by a bad actor. But three is too much. Which must mean the impossible - Natalie Portman is a good actress.

For fucking years the only flaw in BSwan was her. I don't like her. She is stuck-up, dumb and humorless. And I always said her good work in Swan and Closer is thanks to right casting, patient directing and great script. And now out of Venice and Toronto we are getting hit with the kind of reviews Blanchett got for Blue Jasmine in regards to Portman's work as Jackie Kennedy.

What the fuck, what the fuck?!

Funny how things work. Had Amazon or Netflix bought Jackie, the film would be doomed in Oscar race. But it was bought by Fox Searchlight (which also distributed Black Swan) becoming their new bid in Oscar race (they should just drop Birth of a Nation like hot garbage now). I don't want Portman to have two Oscars. Fuck that shit.

I really cannot believe the reviews she is getting. This chick, this new Jersey chick, who when she got money went vegan and Dior and looks like she judges everyone pulled off the refined, elegant, subtle Jackie? The only thing they have in common is that their husbands both made them look like fools (Portman's husband is an unemployed failure which mooches off her, as for JFK I don't need to elaborate, right?)

Remember Small Time Crooks, that Woody Allen movie? Remember how it was about this couple who got rich because the wife made awesome cookies? And how when the wife got rich she bought all that stuff and was so tacky among all elegant people? That's Natalie Portman. And now she is playing Jackie the pinnacle of elegance Kennedy. and the reviewers tell me it's good?!

The stark contrast between the two...it's as if Jared played someone no one wanted to bang. Or someone with small dick. Or someone who is you know, a human man, as opposed to an angel of the Divine.

It's madness.

NewWestworld trailer is here

Fifty Shades Shittier trailer is here.It actually has one advantage over the first one in that Bella Heathcote, who was a revelation in The Neon Demon, is in it. She plays the crazy ex of "I don't make love. I fuck. Hard" robot mannequin. Also goddamn, that is one bad trailer. It appears the movie actually has some plot but you wouldn't get that from this promo. The use of the music is awful. It doesn't even have the big wow moment before the title card appears.

Apparently this little gem is said in the book - I'm a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore – my birth mother.

I just....nope.

Christinetrailer. Hall looks amazing and it's a shame it's not getting more traction because she is someone who I'd love to see winning awards. The real story is so shocking and depressing and it looks like the film will be very intense. We also got the new poster.

That no one stood up and offered pregnant Olivia Wilde a seat is sad, but not surprising since people are generally ill-mannered assholes. But that people are giving her hard time for expecting someone will give her their sit because she is pregnant is shocking. She is pregnant! Move your ass and let her sit!

They're makingthe third Jeepers Creepers movie. In this climate, considering what the director did, I doubt it will make any money. Oh, you think Parker's case is bad? Well...

ThoseAdrian Grenier's quotes have to be read to be believed.

On a related subject to what he said I'd love to go to Burning Man one day. And on completely unrelated note that is where Jared does drugs and has orgiesand it's completely not connected to my reasons for wanting to go.

How dare you think that, not at all connected.

At all.

And shockingly Adrian Grenier is not the dumbest'who'"saying stuff this week

Halle Berry. Unbelievable. "My looks haven’t spared me one hardship or one hurt moment or one painful situation." Yeah, I'm sure she was bullied or made fun of because of her looks. What a hard life being beautiful and tall and skinny she must have led.

Those stupid Hollywood fucks, oh my God.

Nocturnal Animalstrailer is terrific! It has now jumped to the top of my most anticipated from this year even though as much as I think Amy Adams is lovely and talented, she is just so bland. Bland is fine for playing nice girls or sweet girls like in Enchantred or Her but she takes on various roles. There were hints of sinister in The Master but unfortunately she wasn't given enough to do in that one. I feel this one and especially Sharp Objects really need someone with fire and not Adams who more often than not looks like a girl with a trembling voice who is about to collapse into tears. Hopefully she surprises me. The rest of this cast, though - Shannon, Gyllenhaal, Sheen, Linney, Riseborough, Bauer von Straten, Malone....amazing! The trailer also really gave me Mulholland Drive vibes and that's always good. I read few reviews today and they are all very good and Shannon is being called a standout. It would be so amazing if he won an Oscar. He is one of the best actors working nowadays.

Honest trailer for Civil War. You know, I was composing my list of movies I've seen this year and started creating my draft for this year's awards since you guys know how long it gets. And Civil War gets no mention from me. In neither of over 50+ categories. Yeah, it's a good film, but it's also forgettable which can be said about a lot of Marvel films. And the trainwrecks that are Suicide Squad and BvS actually get mentions and not just in bad categories (no one is gonna top WB for Shame award this year. No one). DC still sucks but at least in a memorable way whereas Marvel triumphs in can we just have something new? kind of way.

It's that time of the year again - the new season of American Horror Story has began. It was shrouded in secrecy and they managed to hide the theme from people until the premiere which was a very impressive thing to do in this day and age when everything gets spoiled ahead of the release. The theme is Roanoke and the first episode was in a documentary-show format. So far it's very suspenseful and shows a lot of potential, but I wish Lily Rabe had Paulson's part and vice versa. Paulson played the lead too many times before already whereas Rabe was underused so far. It's great that Angela Bassett has more to do this year, though. Interestingly one of the things in the premier were the mysterious stick figures in the forest which leads me to another point....

Blair Witch. I am way too chickenshit to see this one in the cinema. I cannot believe after seventeen years we finally get to see the witch! Sure it would be better if we never saw her because what people imagine is almost always worse than reality and it's almost impossible to come up with awesome, scary, creepy and unique creature design these days, but the curiosity is insane. I took a peak at some of the reviews today and I'm surprised that people are somehow blaming the movie for using the technology and losing the grainy format of original. Sure, the 1999 movie and the way it was filmed was scarier but can you blame the new movie for the progress of time and technology ? It's 2016, what else are the filmmakers to do than to employ it? This actually plays well with the theme of...

...South Park 20th season premiere episode. One of the more clever plot points were "member berries" - berries that kept talking of nostalgia (remember, get it?) and mentioning stuff from the past that the inhabitants of South Park took as supplements to chillax. It's true isn't it? What is happening in pop culture is basically taking a beloved idea and the presentation in which it proved appealing to masses and repeating it. South Park also made fun of JJ Abrams - he was hired to reboot National Anthem in the face of recent controversy. After all what is The Force Awakens if not the safest movie made in a very long time? So is it better to deliver something safe and good or try something else and fail completely?

Courtney reviews The Birth of a Nation

FlickChicks choose 5 favorite Tom Hardy performances

Brittani reviews Hell or High Water

Nick remembers Blair Witch Project

Alex features Liev Shreiber in his In Character series

Jordan reviews Nerve

m.brown reviews The Boss

Ruth and Myerla review Florence Foster Jenkins

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Bad news - J-boo is in Tokyo to shoot The Outsider which means 1. we didn't get Harrison/J-boo selfie 2. his part in Blade Runner 2 must be crazy short because he was there for like 10 days most of which was spent on climbing in the gym and photographing stuff

This beard is slowly reaching beautiful, apocalyptic levels.

Also he has been working out.

No, I have not just licked the screen.

...

I saw Lonely Hearts over the weekend. In spite of it not getting wide American release which is usually a red flag it was actually a decent movie. Like, I didn't just fast forward to Jared's scenes. Yeah, it reeked of B-talent behind the camera trying to do something with A-list actors (well somewhat) but failing but comparing to some of the stuff Jared made (*coughs* Highway *cough and spits blood* Alexander) this was watchable. Jared - awful mustache and horrible hair in this combo - played a dude who would prey on lonely women and steal their money. Then he run into Salma Hayek's character who was a total psycho and they fell in love and she basically pushed him over the edge and they started killing people together. And Travolta and Gandolfini played the cops hunting them. Jared was very good in the role but reading about actual people it's a shame they didn't deepen the subject. Hayek was miscast as hell but she gave a pretty good performance.

J-boo is gonna play Andy Warhol. The bad - the beard will have to go. And God one knows what he will do to his hair. Or to himself. Also I have to suffer through all the mocking articles about it and people making fun of him in the comments sections. The good - anytime boo boo gets a new project is awesome. I'm so glad he is into acting again but seriously, Jared, how about that romantic comedy for your fangirls? We suffered enough.

Finally finished Stranger Things! What a delightful show. The kids were amazing. I really hope they come back next season.I have so many questions about the show. How come in the entire Upside Down there is only one monster? What is up with Will, is he back completely or not, given the second to last scene? Will El return? Why was the chief leaving food in the woods? What did the special forces dudes tell him? Why would Nancy stay with this douche bag?

I didn't watch the Emmys. I didn't really have the time or the reason to do that but mostly, and I cannot stress that enough, I didn't want to.

Anna Chlumsky's dress...wow. Still better than Beyonce's feather VMA nightmare.

Matt LeBlanc attended the ceremony the only way one should attend Emmys - high and drunk as fuck.

And awkward shit happened.

I'm glad Sarah Paulson finally won. She is one of TV's most precious ladies and she was amazing as Marcia Clark. She also exchanged the cutest social media messages with her girlfriend Holland Taylor.

Also thank God Hiddles lost. His hairline just keeps on receding by the way.

And yet again we suffer the disgrace - Six Feet Under never won an Emmy and now Game of Thrones has 2. 2. Won for the two worst seasons of the show. And it even won for writing again. This is why Emmys are actually beneath Oscars when it comes to credibility. Waaaay below.

Any award for GoT writing is hysterical but this one actually had honest to God mistake even regular viewers picked up on with Ramsay saying his hounds are hungry AFTER Sansa rode away and her then telling him that in the ending

Oh, hell.The thirst goes on.

Of course Maggie Smithis better than the Emmys. I found Kimmel's jokes distasteful. Given her age do you really expect her to attend your shitty award ceremony?

Oh my God! But seriously nothing like 45 year old man crying in facebook video too. In case you wonder if you should feel bad, you shouldn't.

I'm told Gigi Hadid is a model. Anyways that ridiculous Ukrainian prankster stroke again and she elbowed him in the face. Well done! Also what he did is not a 'prank' it's an assault. She should go all Rose Byrne in Spy on her bodyguards for this.

Mel Gibsonis gonna be a father for the 9th time. His oldest kid is 10 years older than the woman who is carrying his new child. Even to me that is messed up.

Man, poor Jimmy Fallon. He did this and people are giving him shit for it. Some of the web's most asinine sites are even calling for boycott. First of all, that's Fallon's thing. He is always nice. He invites all sorts of people. He is always gracious. Come on, he called Suicide Squad "great". Second of all, he is a host of a talk show. He can invite whoever he wants. Third of all, just because you think someone is an asshole it doesn't mean that the host of the show should be awful to this person. Not being awful is being professional. I cannot believe people are actually holding it against Fallon that he invited Trump and was nice to him. The guy has a a huge support and may even win. If he does it ain't Fallon's fault. Americans, you have so many problems and Jimmy Fallon ain't one of those problems.

I don't think anyone has issue with wight. It's all of it - she is profoundly disgusting and stupid outside and inside. The only way she can improve herself is if she launches herself at the sun and never returns. And bitch you still hurt my eyes. Also that was a terrible movie.

Blair Witchis failing all over the place. This is sad. I love witches in horror. I wanted more of this franchise, the mythology of it is so interesting.

At least the guy who wrote the script won the Internet with this tweet:

This week in Batfleck watch. I think his tits are bigger than mine.

I fucking hate the state of modern journalism. How the fuck do you play a blind item game when it deals with a subject like that? Other than the fact that it is just distasteful because this is not about Batfleck banging a nanny or someone getting too drunk at the Oscars party but about one of the worst possible crimes, why not just go ahead and print the name? Why not go to the cops? And so many things here:

1. California has SIX years statue of limitations for this? SIX? That there is any statue of limitations is awful in its own but SIX years?

2. What if that person is still hurting children? By withholding the information they are enabling it.

3. All that suggestion throwing...if they fear libel, look at the comment section. 20-30 different actors are getting accused there.

4. And now the momentum is lost because:

on the same day as this showed up, much less important news came to light and pretty much annihilated everything that happened prior and after them with the attention and time given to them - Brangelinais no more.

Hard drugs! Russian hookers! Marion Cotillard!

This is main news here in Poland. I hear in US they stopped talking of Obama in UN when the news broke. It's crazy.

Day 1 of this and shit was already messy. This is real drama not those people no one will remember like SnakeKardashianKanyegate. 12 years of dirt! And Angelina is already playing nasty by suggesting Brad is a bad father. 12 years and 6 kids and now she minds him smoking weed and his parenting skills? Yeah right.

Could you imagine if Cotillard child turns out to be Pitt's kid?

Dlisted is really the most educational site out there. Did you guys know Jolie herself shitposted about Jen Aniston under nickname? Also apparently Jolie's team was the one responsible for the whole 'Brad left Jen because she didn't want kids' angle. Could you imagine the deliciousness of another woman now being pregnant with his child?

Also Jolie's team dropping this just a day after those mysterious Corey Haim abuser rumors did is so terrible. Of course it wasn't Pitt, he didn't break out before 87'. But it got more than few people wondering.

Clooneywas shocked too. Or trying to hide his glee. I'm not sure what angle I believe more.

It sounds like Brad actually wanted to parent the kids and Angelina let them run around, eat Mcdonalds and do nothing. And then there is this. And the rebuttal. Either Angelina really is completely insane and for her Brad getting physical to defend himself from a teenager automatically means the necessity for divorce or she was just looking to get out of the marriage.

Shit is getting really ugly fast. I judge Brad for not being the one to file and not doing so a long time ago. Jolie is clearly a heroin addict, anorexic and she is insane. Also she appears to be really conniving - her lawyer leaks the stories to TMZ (same as with Depp, whom TMZ defended until it turned out he cut off his fucking finger, I mean there is just no way to spin this one) and look just how much stuff we heard in 5 days - about Brad being drunk, stoned, bad dad, abusive etc. Meanwhile about her? Nothing.

I'm team Brad. Poor idiot is too dumb to be this conniving. I feel like I'm watching a puppy getting kicked with every new story. I'm sure Angelina is sitting somewhere as if she was re-enacting that Gone Girl scene with Amy watching video of Nick and muttering "you asshole".

And then there is Marion.

(with the good hair)

But she is having none of it.

It gets better. She is a dead ringer for Angelina's mother.

"Brangeloones are coming for you Marion!!! Play dead! Play dead!"

Man, the only way out for Marion now is if the kid is black. Because no matter what she says there's still gonna be people thinking it's Pitt's.

But seriously. Considering that in the same week as Marion starts showing Angelina goes fucking insane and after 12 years files for divorce and Brad is hit with so much shit and mud the only thing else to say is that he abused her as well (perhaps that is not being thrown around because no one would believe if that bag of bones was abused she'd still be alive) I fully believe Pitt is the father. And it's not like Marion is gonna come out and say 'haha I banged Brad' and point to her womb.

"Does this mean Brad can go back to doing sex scenes? Angie was such an insecure megalomaniac that half his career is garbage. There's still time! Shave that shit off yer face! Shower! SHOW US YOUR HARD PENIS, GURL"

Actually by accident I saw the pictures of Pitt's dick (sometimes dicks sneak in D comment section). It's about Bloom's size so SMALL.

Theroux reportedly has bigger one. Aniston is just winning all over the place, isn't she?

Look at that comment section. Alcoholics are relapsing etc. among these people fans. It's insane.

I only read D's comments. Celebitchy is overrun with Angie's stans who think accusation equals crime.

As for Jared news I cannot read any comments anywhere other than sole appreciation thread on LSA forums. He is universally mocked everywhere :/

Moving on...

on Monday I saw Bridget Jones' Baby. It was the most uneven from the series and had the most ridiculous script. A 43 year old chick with a messed up fake face falls into a mud and Patrick Dempsey falls for her! And then it turns out he is super rich! And he is sweet, romantic and caring! He brings her a teddy bear and a salmon! And when it turns our she is pregnant and has no idea whose it is, both guys actually compete over who gets to be more sweet to her! It was all more sci-fi than Stranger Things. Fortunately it was also really funny and had the funniest moments in the entire series including the trip to the hospital that made me laugh so hard I cried.

Solid season premiere for The Big Bang Theory. Katey Segal and Jack McBrayer showed up as Penny's mom and brother and we got second wedding for Penny and Leonard. Not too funny episode but very sweet and I'm hoping to see more of Dean Norris as a colonel after Howard in the future episodes, he was hilarious in his cameo role on Kimmy Schmidt.

Alex features Hank Azaria in his awesome In Character series

Ruth reviews The Light Between the Oceans

Brittani wrote about the Emmys

FlickChicks review Zootopia

m.brown reviews Don't Breathe

MettelRay lists 7 movies she wants to see this year

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Prince George should just rule this planet. Have you seen this? It's amazing! Also how big is Charlotte already? And the dress and the shoes! That moment with Kate descending the stairs, though - Jesus, I can barely walk in heels like on the normal sidewalk and she is walking down the stairs and carrying a child.

And yesterday they played with bunnies, bubbles and balloons! Adorable alert! YEY!

Meanwhile George's aunt cannot afford Adele. You'd think Adele would play anyway, it's pretty nice publicity to play at Douchess' sister wedding for free.

Speaking of Adele, here's Emily Blunt looking like thinner Adele on the cover of The Hollywood Reporter. She also said some garbage about her least favorite word being 'likable'. OK then. The Girl on the Train opens here next week and in spite of the shameless 'here's new JLaw embrace her' promo of this Haley Bennett person and the laughable appearance of Blunt who is supposed to be playing an alcoholic trainwreck I may actually go see it. Unless that dreadful Kanye song that was featured in the trailer is in the movie. Then fuck off, you'll get none of my money.

Gross.That's all.

And now we go back to my continuous coverage of "Gone Brangelina: Heroina Dunne vs Simple Brad".

Turns out Heroina has rented the house in Malibu ($90.000 per month!) weeks before Brad reportedly got drunk and aggressive and tried to escape Minnesotta airport in a fuel truck. Angelina really is cosplaying as Amy Dunne only she lacks smarts, credibility, foresight, cunning and charm required to pull that off. What we have here is her weak story about Brad acting contrary to how we heard he acted for 12 years. And we have a woman who takes their children to war zones (just because they stay in a nice hotel doesn't make that hotel immune to bombs and attacks) and is currently keeping them away from their father for no reason.

READ THAT SHIT!!!!!

Now she has hired real life Olivia Pope to help her clean her image in media. Remember that scene from Meet the Parents where the shit sprayed on everyone? It's like that and she is trying to clean it with a water gun.

And England is allowing her to teach people. What the fuck. What can she teach them about? Fame whoring and not eating?

Marion Cotillard's boyfriendaddressed this whole mess. And like Marion he also used the phrase "haters".

Jen's husband said some words too.More importantly here he is with this hilarious expression going on --->

Emily Blunt and John Krasinskihad dinner with them, by the way. Just by the selection of friends Aniston wins too. Who is even friends with Angelina?

Some people are trolling Angelina biased comments section of Celebitchy and Just Jared by pretending to be her supporters. And in this case, for comedy effect supporters who are racist:

No, the third world ones with the tans are really Angie's - she went out to get them, not Brad. She is the true mother. The three normal ones belong with Brad and Angie. Actually, she's more like a World Mother, considering all the good she has done. I've saved one life in my life, how many have you saved, Angie has saved literally thousands.

They can't help being tanned or Chinese and she has three normal ones with Brad.

Plot thickens.

The schemer got temporary custody of the kids. Why is she not being subjected to random drug tests?

Vintage bullet point - here's Funny or Die spoof of Angelina wedding veil drawings by her children. I've never seen this before, they're hilarious!

Liev and Naomi are no more too. Cupid better protect Blunt/Krasinski, Faris/Pratt and Mullally/Offerman now.

Speaking of Liev, I started watching Ray Donovan. I saw 2 first episodes on Sunday and loved those. However given my watching skills (I have year worth of Conan episodes to catch up and it took me about 2 months to see all 8 episodes of Stranger Things) I should see all those 4 seasons by the year 2050 probably.

I'm glad this Haim's abuser story is still in the news because we need to know the truth and people are putting out more and more plausible theories out there. But it's now week 2 after Radar proclamation and they still said nothing. And it's more and more plausible Feldman is silent for one reason - he is getting hush money. This is just all around gross and disturbing and the longer we go on without the person being revealed the further we get into nothing gets revealed territory again

Hiddletits managed to sink even lower on (hilarious and pathetic) thirst-o-meter this week.

The funniest bit of another thirsty attempt isn't even the pictures but it's Beryl Cumsatchel saying "unsolicited photographs". Does he actually know what the word 'unsolicited' means? It's nice he is backing his friend but he is kinda poisoning his own image by mere association and mostly by insulting everyone's intelligence by saying stuff like that.

Also regarding those dog pictures - here is only one man who can pose with a dog without the dog upstaging him. The Hardylicious. Here he is just few weeks back:

Oy that hairline, tho. Why can't British men age better?

Also those fucking Gucci loafers on Hiddles, man. Bad enough they put those at Jared but put Hiddletits in that and it's just too much cringe.

Fences trailer brings the return of Viola Davis' super SNOT. Hopefully the snot is mighty enough to claim Best Leading Actress Oscar this year. I cannot take Natalie Portman having two of those. Go Snot! You is kind! You is smart! You is important!

The disaster marketing for The Birth of a Nationcontinues

...and there's more. Someone suggested Parker should be charged with hate crime against fellow black actors in the movie because every single time he speaks he diminishes their award chances.

Amy Schumer made $17 million last year. Disgrace.

This may be the first look at Emma in The Beauty and the Beast. May because the second image looks fan made

Batfleck wanna get divorced. This is actually perfect timing - Brangelina drama eclipses all so celebrities should sling mud at each other right now because there is a chance people won't notice.

James Franco's new movie has a trailer and. It is called King Cobra. It is about gay porn. I don't know what more to type here.

Speaking of porn, JakeyG's bush is apparently an enchanted forest. Tom Ford should just continuously make movies and give interviews. He says the best stuff.

So this is what is going on the set of Blade Runner 2. Look how great Harrison looks!

Charlize Therongained some weight/used padding/both of those for her new Reitman/Cody collaboration. Super sad that this isn't simply a sequel to Young Adult with Mavis Gary back because after few years of her lifestyle this would definitely be her looks.

Little girl who played Eleven is already acting like an asshole. Aren't these actors paid to appear on Comic Con? Be grateful for having fans, don't be an entitled, greedy little bitch,

Scream Queens premiere was amazing. It's was so great to see the three Chanels again and the show transitioned to new stories in a slick way. The new villain is already so much better and scarier than last year's. I too had the feels upon this John Stamos' scene:

Funniest part there was Chanel literally taking off her clothes upon witnessing that. So far I only saw the premiere because nowadays it takes me several days to actually catch up on four shows I watch. And we are gonna be adding Westworld to that this week. So 5 shows. 5 shows, 1 post per weeks and I cannot make it fit in 7-day week? Where is all this time going?

American Horror Story delivered two really creepy episodes, especially this week's was excellent and surprise surprise it was directed by David Lynch's daughter, Jennifer (you may remember she made a movie Boxing Helena which was a completely disturbing trainwreck that bombed hard in every way imaginable). Also as usual Ryan Murphy just cannot shut his trap and is bragging about the insane twist that is coming in episode 6. He says that what we think we are watching is not what we are watching. Also it's some sort of breaking the forth wall kind of deal. I hope that this giant twist is not simply the cast of re-enactments interacting with the people getting interviewed because that is a big can of who gives a shit. Also there is a theory how every episode we had so far corresponds to the theme of previous seasons, for example episode 1 with season 1, ep. 2 with season 2 and I'm like "so what?" No really, cool little nod there but why does it matter and what is the big deal about this?

South Park is the most enjoyable it has been in years this season. I really love the political commentary and the way they made fun of the debate was brilliant except Garrison actually comes off as sincere and sympathetic while in real life Trump is just an asshole. I also love the whole Cartman's subplot with Cartman actually getting a girl when all his buddies who are on social media got dumped last week.

Courtney, Kevin an Jordan review The Magnificent Seven

Ruth saw The Nice Guys

MettelRay reviews Enemy

Brittani shares her thoughts on Stranger Things and other shows she saw this week

m.brown and Rhys review Sully

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And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately. Long love doth so.
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.
- Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, scene 6

It seems that after some trouble (trouble thy name is Vinyl) HBO finally landed their next great hit - the first episode of Westrworld premiered to 3,3 mln audience last Sunday. Will it continue to have such a big audience? I'm not sure. While watching the fantastic premiere I was often reminded of another disturbing big budget HBO show - Carnivale. Because of huge cost and not big viewership the visionary series was cancelled after merely two seasons. Westworld's first episode sparked so many theories and ideas after only one episode I have never seen anything like it when it comes to HBO show. Hopefully the audience chooses to engage in this mysterious, puzzling narrative instead of finding it too complex for their liking.

The series is set in a futuristic world where one can go to the theme park and do whatever he or she desires. For $40,000 a day you can rape, torture and kill. And it's all right because you are not doing it to people - but to robots designed to look, feel and bleed like people. In the series we follow the people monitoring the park as well as robots (called "hosts") and guests in the park.

The story begins with one of the hosts Dolores Abernathy (Evan Rachel Wood) waking up and beginning her day. She says hello to her father (Louis Herthum), she goes to the town. There she meets Teddy (James Marsden) - another host, who just arrived in the train. When the two return to Dolores' house her father is killed and the mysterious Man in Black (Ed Harris) shows up and begins assaulting Dolores. Teddy shoots at him but the bullets do nothing to him. Man in Black kills Teddy and drags crying Dolores to the barn.

Back in the headquarters Bernard (Jeffrey Wright), a scientist, and Elsie (Shannon Woodward), whose task seems to be assessing hosts' behavior are working on Clementine (Angela Sarafyan), a prostitute. They notice she lightly touches her lips - a new gesture implemented in her by dr Ford (Anthony Hopkins) who added that to her update. When they are alone Elsie kisses Clementine. Next Bernard goes to the storage where unused hosts are and finds dr Ford there having a drink with older kind of host.

The next day begins the same. Yet again Dolores wakes up, says hello to her dad. This time she doesn't meet Teddy - the can she drops is picked up by Man in Black who tells her that day he has different plans and wishes her a good day after telling her he has been visiting this place for 30 years. He goes to the brothel and stares at the dealer. In the meantime one of the hosts has a glitch and appears to have a seizure.

In the headquarters Bernard describes to Lee (Simon Quarterman) and Theresa Cullen (Sidse Babett Knudsen), fellow employees of the corporation, that the anomaly is just a glitch having to do with the latest update. He explains that the hosts, even glitching like that are still not dangerous to guests and "wouldn't hurt a fly". Cullen wants to roll the updates back to Lee's disdain.

Back in Westworld Dolores is painting a picture by the river when a family of guests with a little boy meets her. Little boy says "you're one of them, aren't yuo? You aren't real" and Dolores is puzzled by his words. Dolores' dad finds a picture of a woman standing in a street, which looks like its from our time. It completely confuses him.

Meanwhile Cullen is approached by Lee who tells her they shouldn't update the hosts at all because this place only works if people realize that this isn't really happening and they don't want to think they actually killed someone. She tells him that there is a bigger picture to this whole place but he isn't smart enough to know what it is.

Man in Black captures the dealer. Back in the town there is another anomaly - the bandit type hosts kill other hosts spilling milk over their bodies. Cullen, Bernard and Stubbs - security guy - (Liam and Chris's brother Luke Hemsworth, how many of those are out there?!) show up and Bernard explains that it's another glitch and a proof that the update was a problem. Bernard tells Ford that update containing reveries is causing a glitch and Ford remarks how human beings evolved using only one tool - "mistake". He asks Bernard, who clearly admires Ford a great deal to indulge him and allow him a mistake from time to time.

Meanwhile, Man in Black tells the dealer he wants to get to the higher level in the game and he can help him get there. He then begins scalping him. In the ending we are shown that the inside of dealer's head contains a drawing - a map of a maze.

When Dolores wakes up it turns out her dad was awake all night looking at the picture. He asks her what she thinks of the photo but she responds it doesn't look like anything to her. He then begins to tell her she needs to go and whispers something to her. Startled Dolores rides to the town to find a doctor.

Back in the town a bandit (Rodrigo Santoro) and his gang arrive just as Dolores finds Teddy. A shootout begins and the bandits are set to rob the brothel. All of this is being watched by the team in the headquarters with Lee being excited about the opportunity to show off his new narrative. We are treated to an awesome sequence of a robbery/shootout with Armstice (Ingrid Bolsø Berdal) rocking that riffle to the tune of cover of "Paint it Black". Before the main robber gets to his monologue he is shot by one of the guests, to Lee's disappointment and Cullen's amusement. Teddy is shot and dies in the shootout to Dolores' horror.

Ford is brought to talk to Dolores' dad and in the premiere's best scene her dad tells Ford that he knows of what people are doing to Dolores and he has to warn her. Then he starts using a lot of quotes showing he knows literature and he tells Ford he always wanted to meet his maker (in an awesome Blade Runner homage) he also promises Ford and Bernard revenge and then after launching at Ford he is shut down.

Ford deduces that this behavior, which Bernard calls something beyond a simple glitch is the amalgamation of the reveries since in past narratives Dolores' dad was among others a professor. Her dad is taken to the storage and left there but just before that Bernard whispers something we don't hear into his ear.

Meanwhile Dolores is being questioned by Stubbs. She says her dad whispered the words "These violent delights have violent ends" (from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet). She appears to be very complicit and repeats her opening statement about the beauty and order of the world she sees. Stubbs informs us and the lady in the room that Dolores is the oldest host and she has been repaired so many times she is practically brand new. In the final moments of the premiere we see Dolores again, waking up, saying hello to her dad (now played by the host who played bartender before getting shot). As she stands on the porch a fly lands on her neck.

And she swats it.

Here's Wood talking about those flies:

"We weren’t even allowed to harm a fly on set. I think that was a dead fly. But the one crawling on my face, not the one in my eye, obviously, but the fly on my face [was real]. They have fly wranglers. This is someone’s job.

They freeze them so they’re still alive. They take them out and stick them on your face and wait for them to thaw. Then they can walk but not fly, just crawling all over my face for like 10 minutes until it flew away. This is my job, I’m naked on a stool and there’s a fly crawling on my face and people are filming it. That’s my job. (Laughs.)"

I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to see HBO offering something clever and thought provoking (I hear Leftovers is good too, but I just couldn't get into it) after witnessing two idiotic Game of Thrones seasons. Game of Thrones has managed to sink to levels of such schlock that the most amazing thing about Westworld to me is that they managed to make something so smart and well written in HBO. I sit here in disbelief, much like I did when I realized the same studio which mangled Suicide Squad released Fury Road. Amazing gems can come out of a shitter, apparently. While watching the premiere I felt like I was watching the old HBO of Deadwood, Six Feet Under and Carnivale times, before Benioff, Weiss and Lena Dunham's general awfulness ruined HBO. Can Westworld restore its greatness?

The show is shaping up to be terrific and it starts off with a better cast and bigger budget than Thrones. Long time no see Evan Rachel Wood finally lands a big role and is wonderful as Dolores - is she just sweet or is she also sinister? You can't know for sure. Of course the biggest names here are Hopkins and Harris, both terrific but there is also Jeffrey Wright whose arc - it appears his character lost a son - promises to give the actor interesting things to do.

There are actors here I am never impressed with - Marsden, Santoro and Newton - with former two managing not to be awful and Newton being actually good. Her character is shaping up to be very interesting too.That's another beauty to the show - how interesting the people there are. We wonder why the guest visit that park to begin with. And we wonder what the reveries will cause to do to the host. We even wonder about the characters we barely got to know so far like Clementine and Armstice.

Obviously the ending with the fly is an indication that something is up with Dolores' software. And there is something wrong with Teddy too. Let's look at it:

Dolores kills the fly going against the programming of not killing a living thing. She doesn't have a program that would give her an instinct like you and I have - to swat a fly if it lands on you. But what happened is that for 30 yearss or longer as a host she saw guests swatting the flies. She probably has the programming that allows her to imitate the guests. And that part finally overcame the 'not killing' part. Why?

As for Teddy, notice how the 3rd time he wakes up he touches his arm...where he was shot last day. But his memories were wiped. Why does he has that instinct? Is that the reverie programing kicking it? Is the roll back not successful in all of the hosts or just these two?

Now here we have the comparisons of the three times we saw Dolores wake up. As you can see each time is different. Look at the second - that would be her waking up after being dragged to the shed. In 'Dreams' trailer you can see Dolores holding up a gun when she is lying on the hay - it looks like we will see what happened in that shed and something tells me that the assumption of majority - that the Man in Black raped Dolores is wrong. For one we have him speaking with disdain of people coming to Westworld to 'shoot Indians and get their rocks off'. And also - it's HBO, guys. If someone was getting raped, we would have seen it.

The theory about the show I liked the most is that Ford is on the side of the robots and Man in Black is on the side of people. Ford clearly wants to develop higher form of robots, one that perhaps are not only like humans but better than them. Just today I read a great variation of this theory where the author wondered if Ford is the last alive human being and everyone else is a robot created by him. He is racing with time to somehow preserve humanity, ironically by creating something artificial.

As for Man in Black wouldn't it be a cool twists if see that all of his cruelty (we know he kills Maeve in front of a child from the trailers) was justified because he is aware of Ford's agenda to develop AI and wants to destroy the organization before the robots are too powerful? Or maybe after 30 years of visiting the park the Man in Black is Westworld's equivalent of a hardcore gamer who convinced himself (and perhaps is right) that there is a higher level to the game and he desperately is trying to find it?

And then there are other questions - who is in the picture? Who left the picture and why? What is inside the maze Man in Black is looking for? What is 'the bigger picture' Cullen is referring to? Are the people observing the hosts actual people or maybe they are hosts? What is the state of the outside world? How many different interactive worlds are there? Is Dolores modeled after someone close to Ford? What was the incident they are referring to that happened 30 years before?

And dozens more.

JJ the Nerd King Abrams had his Easter egg leaving hand in this show so let's just pray that this will go better than Lost - which was one of the most fun shows to theorize about ending in a lazy, plot hole ridden raging disappointment. Jonathan Nolan is involved too as the creator of the show and the director of the premiere so I just hope this is gonna be his Prestige not Interstellar for TV.

So far I'm definitely hooked. Not only is the show amazingly well done, it is also so thought-provoking and it's so much fun reading all those theories online. Let's hope they continue like this.

97/100

Next episode is entitled Chestnut.Lee pitches his latest narrative, but Dr. Ford has other ideas; Bernard and Theresa debate whether a recent host anomaly is contagious; The Man in Black conscripts a condemned man, Lawernce, to help him uncover Westworld's deepest secrets.

Here is the brand new trailer for the rest of the season:

Oh my God you guys Westworldis so dope! You are actually getting shorter post today because HBO Go put up the second episode and I am about to watch it.

Have you guys seen the theories? Mind blowing!

Flies live longer than one day, but guests can only stay in Westworld for a maximum of twenty-eight days at a time, which is a fly's lifespan.

Now it makes sense, first scene flys walk around dolores, flys symbolize the guest and humans in the real world and how the walk all over these AI hosts. At the end when she kills it that symbolize that they are going to revolt against the humans.

Where even is the park?

YES!"For the first season, we only explore the West World. There’s talk about in the future seasons, if there’s more, that there will be a different world. But we’re not sure what it will be yet.

The possibilities are endless! The show can choose any setting it wants. It's so cool!

And look at the wayAnthony Hopkins joined twitter in.

I was on the fence when it comes to Margot Robbie since it was clear she doesn't understand Harley Quinn at all (by saying she doesn't get why Harley allows Joker to abuse her) and since she chose to get ahead no matter what (by not standing by Jared, who in her own words did half her work for her, by saying she gets why the scenes were cut and basically how it's no biggie). Now she went too far.

In her lame SNL episodeshe was doing some asinine fact check sketch and said how Jared's antics on the set were uncomfortable and not fun. Yeah it was a "joke". Yeah she probably meant the opposite. But here's the thing - Jared is seen as complete joke now because his co-stars hyped his behavior on the set and then the studio turned his performance into basically nothing with their editing. I'm not sure he will ever recover. He has 3 movies lined up and I'm not sure even if they are amazing and he is stellar in them people will stop laughing at him. And here we have the person who came out of Squad fiasco unscathed throwing her co-star under the bus 3 months after the whole media hoopla about method acting. You have people reblogging gifsets of her "joke" and adding stuff like "the truth comes out". That is just fuel to ridicule fire.

Since you like fact checking so much Margot, I sure hope someone gets to your birth certificate and plasters it all over the web.

But never mind her because Jared is doing an outstanding job of fucking himself over all on his own. It's one thing to 'be edgy and yourself' or whatever, but him and whatever delusional entourage he has seem not to realize he is seen as a joke now and they should contain that shit not have stories out there about him giving people dildos.

And on top of all that shit - we are gettingthe extended cut of Suicide Squad. I bet you right now it's not a different movie, it's the same mangled lens flares filled garbage fire flaming in neon colors just with an inserted scene here and there. Like that scene from that promo we know of - Harley confronting the Joker and chasing him on a motorcycle. I bet you they will simply insert that scene before the acid bath scene. It's gonna be the same movie just with one good scene thrown in. Thank God my cleanse is gonna be over and I'm gonna be able to drink during this.

It's sad for DC fan but also a great schadenfreude for someone who hates WB like me to see no matter what they do they lose. This is the second time they put out worse version of the movie as theatrical cut only to release less mangled one in home release. Why would people continue to pay money to see those movies in the cinema if they are seeing a lesser product? You is fucking dumb WB.

In other J-boo news he cut his hair and shaved off his feral beard. I am still n mourning about the beard.

Also Blade Runner sequel is officially titled "Blade Runner 2049". Here's the on the set photo with Ryan, Harrison, Denis and Ridley:

Yet again Jared is not allowed to play with people, as evidenced on that picture.

Also it's remarkable that the vibes I'm getting from this photo are Harrison/Ryan as pick up team like Steve Carell and the latter in Crazy, Stupid, Love. Just the way Harrison is talking about something and Ryan is doing the smoldering thing and Denis and Ridley look like they are about to wet themselves.

I so love that damn picture.

Also how amazing does Harrison look!? Damn!

This week in Brangelinashe moved in her creepy brother in her let's destroy Brad headquarters and she is sending people to threaten those who talk smack about her. Bitch.

How soon till one of the Kardashians kills themselves for attention? I'm thinking real soon. They had that Ukrainian mess attempt to grab Kim's butt and now they had staged burglary.

Sean Pennis dating a chick who is a year younger than his own daughter. She is also Vincent D'Onofrio's daughter. Let's pray for her. I mean normally I'm all for older guys but this is Sean Penn. It's hard to find someone more gross than him. Mostly I'm just glad Charlize dumped his ass. What was she thinking dating that dude?

The little girl from Stranger Thingshas a money grabbing whore of a father. Pray for that one also.

Last week Benedict C. didn't understand the meaning of the word "unsolicited". This week he doesn't know what a stalker is. Now, of course saying mean things about his family is unacceptable. But he has been having a lot of opinions lately and maybe voicing out opinions on your insane fans when you are moderately talented actor who for some weird reason is considered attractive you really shouldn't bash the people who back you up. When will people like this guy and Hiddletits learn that unless you really have an outstanding acting talent like Hardy or Fassbender you really don't get to piss on your fans no matter how nuts they are? Tumblr bitches be crazy.

This is the apartment Johnny 9 Digits is selling. Look at that shit. It looks like the apartment is drunk itself.

Emilia Clarke, Kit Harington and Peter Dinklage who had like 2 lines in last season of Game of D&D's bad ideas make the same money Spacey does for House of Cards. I'll just leave you with this to ponder.

I haven't seen any film but hopefully I have the time to watch a movie this weekend. I did check out the second Scream Queens 2episode and it was even better than the premiere! The villain this season is actually scary. Still need to catch up with recent American Horror Story episode.

Trailer for Jackie dropped. It looks incredible. Oh God, I'm gonna have an aneurysm if I will have to praise Portman.

Brittani writes about Westworld. If you are looking for recaps of it sans Game of Thrones bashing (did you see the stabs I took at it? Ahhhhh!) unlike mine, that's the place you wanna visit.

FlickChicks watched Human Centipede. After all it's October. The glorious month during which in pursuit of scary movies people make serious mistakes.

Film Grimoire celebrates 3rd Anniversary.

Mark reviews Wild at Heart which is one of Lynch's finest.

Ruth shares Five for Fifth for October.

Alex reviews American Honey

RELATED POSTS:

Welcome to the nightmare.

This week we were made privy to another secret of Westworld - turns out Bernard is having private chats with Dolores. His voice also wakes her up and guides her and in the last scenes of the episode we see Dolores find a gun - a gun that is most likely capable of shooting guests.

We also see Dolores wander the streets and suddenly have a vision of people in the town lying on the ground, dead. She is approached by Maeve who asks her to walk away from the brothel so that she doesn't give an impression she is the accurate representation of the "goods" inside. Dolores turns around and says "these violent delights have violent ends" to Maeve and leaves her confused in the street.

Later on Maeve is giving a guest her speech about coming to the new world and she suddenly freezes having experienced a strange vision. Maeve is then being looked on by technicians and send back. But the problem persists and Maeve visions starts growing more vivid. She also has a pain in her stomach. Finally she has a full blown vision of being about to be scalped when the native is shot by someone on the horse. She runs through the field and grabs little girl's hand. They go inside the house and Maeve grabs the shotgun as the native lurks outside. But when the door opens it is not him who goes in but the Man in Black. He kills Maeve and...

she wakes up. Only she wakes up just as the technicians are working on her. She grabs a scalpel and threatens them. She manages to get out and walks the corridors. She sees other hosts, naked, being picked up and thrown by people on a pile of hosts. She cannot comprehend what is happening. The two technicians subdue her and carry "the thing" before someone sees it. As they move away we see Teddy, motionless, in one of the glass cells.

This episode we also got to meet two new guests - William and Logan. We got to see how people enter the park - they arrive via train and then they are accompanied by the host. They choose guns and hats. And then they go in. William (Jimmi Simpson) and Logan (Ben Barnes) are interesting new characters - William is sweet, he refuses Clementine in the brothel saying he has someone 'real' waiting for him, but then in the end of the episode Dolores catches his eye. Logan on the other hand has been in the park before and he is ruthless and we also see him banging a bunch of chicks fulfilling HBO boobs quota.

There is a scene where a host who looks like an old man wants to thank William for being kind to him before. As Logan put it previously "they shouldn't get dragged into some bullshit treasure hunt". Once the host starts talking about it Logan stabs him in the hand, leaving him crying and screaming to William's (and mine) horror.

Meanwhile, Man in Black continues his quest. He interrupts a hanging of a man, Lawrence, and abducts him. He takes the man to his village and threatens his family - wife and daughter - because he wants to know the location of the maze, pictured on the scalp of a host he killed in the last episode. Lawrence's cousins arrive and in a kickass sequence MiB takes them all out in a spectacular manner. He then grabs Lawrence wife and begins dancing with her, remarking how 'when you're suffering that's when you're most real' and then...he shoots her in the head. He then readies himself to kill the little girl but suddenly she tells him that the maze is "not for you". After he tells her he will take his chances, the little girl gives him the directions.

There was so much in this scene - when MiB was about to kill these guys we saw a glimpse of control room with one of the guys asking if they should slow him down to which Hemsworth number 3 responded "this gentleman gets whatever he wants" further reassuring as that MiB is indeed a guest. A VIP guest. Another thing is that child hosts exist - I was in awe how affecting this scene was yet how off it felt. What made it creepy was Ed Harris' awesome performance but the scene wasn't as sad as it should be - Lawrence and the little girl were not nearly as horrified as normal people would be. Of course they weren't. They are hosts. They just mimic. And unlike the mother they weren't threatened this directly. It's a perfect representation of MiB's words - how when you see the cracks, you appreciate how beautifully it is all done. Only up close, you can see the real terror. Another thing - someone on reddit pointed out MiB fired more bullets than he put in the gun. Are hosts programmed to 'die' as soon as the guest fires the gun at them?

Speaking of child hosts, Ford ventures inside the park and meets a boy. Ford and the boy have a conversation and the exchange in which Ford says his father always told him only boring people get bored led a lot of people, me included, into believing the little boy is a manifestation of Ford as he responded "so did mine".

Other events of control squad included Lee working on a new narrative and lashing out like a douchebag. When he finally presents his idea, Ford doesn't like it and says it's gratuitous and that is not why the guests come back - they come back because of nuances, the things they fall in love with. This also included the glorious shade of Ford telling Lee that the only thing the narrative tells him about is what kind of man Lee is.

We also found out Cullen is banging Bernard. More importantly we also saw Cullen smoke again. The fact they gave her a human vice she indulges in as well as the fact we saw her do that in each episode so far and that little moment from the premiere where she kinda freezes when Ford address her and unfreezes as he says "please" lines up with the thinking of a lot of people that she herself is a host. The smoking is just a decoy.

We also got to see a bit more of Elsie who was fixing Maeve. I like Elsie, she seems to have far more fondness for the hosts than most of other humans. When she is fixing Maeve the technician who was present in the room asked her if the hosts dream, since Maeve mentioned dreaming in her storyline. Elsie said that no, since it would be pointless. The hosts however have a concept of dreams, or to be precise nightmares. That was done so that when the humans mess up and forget to wipe the hosts' memories the host would just assume their memory of the real world is simply a nightmare.

In Ford's storyline we also saw him have another conversation with Bernard about their responsibilities as creators. In the end of the episode Ford informs Bernard he has an idea for new narrative and we see a buried church.

First thing that really surprised me about this episode was that it did not focus on Dolores. I thought that each episode will be following her closely, instead here we got Maeve-centric episode. I really like that the episodes seem to focus on different people - thanks to that we really get to know them and grow to care about them.

There are so many things to take away from this episode - 'these violent delights have violent ends' really seems to be an override command that causes the hosts to remember what happened to them. But what was the most interesting to me in this episode was the clue to the construction of hosts - Maeve's memory is triggered by her actual physical discomfort that resulted from skin infection she got when she was being patched up by the technicians. So the skin of the hosts is so advanced it can actually develop infections. I really hope they show us exactly how are the hosts made and repaired because their skin and blood seems to an actual organic material.

The series' portrayal of trauma is fantastic - the fact that this particular discomfort reminded Maeve of something so specific (in the promos we see her actually being stabbed by Man in Black where the wound happened, so we may be returning to this moment in the future or it may just be a shot thrown in the promo that is unused in the actual series) to cause the particular memory shows that the writers really understand how the link between mental and physical anguish works.

The entire sequence with Maeve's memories triggering different memories (the brushing of the hair going to the scalping) and the smooth transition from the native to Man in Black going in (such a cool moment) was great. Ramin Djawadi's score also had a second standout moment here, the first one being fantastic track played during the MiB shootout earlier in the episode.

This episode really made me feel for the hosts - the scene with the old man, everything to do with Maeve and Teddy being unceremoniously shot for no reason was very upsetting. They look like humans, they feel like humans and now they remember like humans. Their pain and fear is real. Yes, the guests don't realize this but there is still something villainous and so wrong in killing someone standing in front of you, even if you are convinced they are no real, for no reason. What would make the series even more interesting is if they shown humans to be as likable as robots, but so far that's not happening for me. Ford and Bernard are sympathetic so far and Elsie is interesting, but they really need to crank up the sympathy for actual human beings here.

Big takeaway from the episode is also that there are hosts in the control room - we got to meet the one showing William around. And the biggest revelation there was that she knows she is a host - "me and other hosts are here for you". She might have been lying, who knows. Everything is so gloriously ambiguous in this series.

I leave you with this mind blowing theory. And the continuation of it. Personally? I buy two time frames thing but the thing is that Jimmi Simpson looks nothing like Ed Harris. Maybe we meet MiB in that time frame too but I don't think we did just yet. It's a solid theory, though.

98/100

Next episode - The Stray. Elsie and Stubbs head into the hills in pursuit of a missing host; Teddy gets a new backstory, setting him off in pursuit of a new villain; Bernard investigates the origins of madness and hallucinations within the hosts.

And here's featurette including a shot that confirms that little boy that Ford saw is a host:

Previous recaps:
1x01 The Original

Look at J-boo managing to be sexy in one of those Gucci stills.

Yep, under Ayer "supervision" he was literally climbing up the walls.

This footage of Brangelina is my sole contribution to ongoing Brangelina coverage on Cinematic Corner this week other than this little gem -

Angelina is threatening gossip sites now. Surely even the most biased see she is just not right. In the head and everything else.

Oh God what a day --->

Seriously there is red glitter all over legal acts now. Well, at least I made them glamorous. Stripper style.

But the good news is that tadadadam! I started a Westworld board! It has the whole of 3 members so far including me and Britt (I think that is her who joined), who graciously goes wherever I go o on the web to complicate my life and add more stuff on my too full plate of shite so please guys join and talk to us :lol:

The last episode was so awesome. I cannot wait for next one, it is gonna be long 3 days (I watch it Monday night, I'd stay up but I have work in the morning, BUT I have Mondays off before episodes 5 and 6 so it's time to track those watch HBO livefeeds again. That show is so good you guys. That shootout in episode 2? OH MAH GOD.

I saw 70% of The Rock on Sunday and on Monday the new episode of The Big Bang Theory. That's it. Haven't seen last 3 episodes of AHS or new Scream Queens and turned the new South Park off in the middle of the episode last night because I was tired. Fuck my life.

I'm gonna see AHS and Scream Queens as soon as I post this since I said fuck off to my cleanse 2 weeks early and I am enjoying a nice drink after over a month of not drinking, being attacked by coffee in the morning and glittering all over the place for 8h.

What I've seen of The Rock was awesome. I was like "Hello, 90's Michael Biehn" when he showed up and then I was "...damn" when he died after being in the movie for 10 minutes. Also how did Michael Bay get Ed Harris to star in this movie? Did he drug him?

This scene was hysterical, though. I couldn't with all that yelling and pathos.

The Walking Dead is coming back so they are releasing all those sneak peeks and clips. I have been laughing at this gif for several days now.

David Oleyowo threw some shade Thrones way. Normally I side with everything and everyone against Thrones but here Oleyowo manages to be dumber than the show which I truly thought was impossible. Most characters come from the same families. There is no way to do what he is suggesting. It would be nonsensical and idiotic like Marvel getting Tessa Thompson to play Valkyrie.

Which happened.

And it's still nonsensical and idiotic.

Thompson is actually about to show up in Westworld (and according to imdb should have showed up already as she is credit in 9 episodes, so thanks imdb, you is useless again), so hopefully she wows me because this Valkyrie shite is close to keeping me awake at night with how stupid it is.

Can you sense them? The Hiddletears?

Daniel Craig is incredible. He played hardball all the way to $150.000 dollars and Hiddles' hairline receding even more rapidly and rabidly with each second.

Taraji P. Hanson is a privileged idiot. She is complaining about making "only" 6 figures for Benjamin Button. Bitch, who the hell even knew who you were before that movie? I finished college, am a lawyer and have actual job experience and I don't make nearly as much.

Here's the first look at Amber Heard's Meera in Justice League aka if this one sux, WB is not seeing any more of my money.

I love this look. Other than that pointy thing on the shoulders it's an awesome costume too. Her and Momoa are actually making Aquaman look cool and Wan is an awesome director so hopefully Hail Snydra won't fuck it up. As for Justice League the film being directed by this hack, being so overcrowded and having several people I don't care about (who the hell is this Cyborg guy? Ah, who cares) the highest of my expectations is that it is not worse than BvS and Squad so the bar is very low there.

Meanwhile Marvel apparently has another great movie in Doctor Strange. Apparently the visuals alone make you feel like you are high so I'm soooo seeing this one.

I don't know who Devin Faraci is (I don't read "famous""critics""reviews", I barely have the time to read reviews of people I like) but as I was reading the thread about all of this mess on Hype I found out Drew McWhinybitch, who wrote some awful stuff about Tom Hardy back in December in an instance of a movie critic being the biggest, pettiest, most unprofessional bitch I've seen in my life and mouthed off to people on regular basis on his twitter, was fired was HitFix. He mouthed off to me too. So between going after Hardyboo and this, two strikes. My religion forbids me from wishing misfortune on others. But it sure as hell doesn't forbid schadenfreude. Karma is real. He only has shitty tumblr now. Ahhhh, lovely.

Anyways yeah that whole Trump Pussygrab Gate had consequences - a bunch of women saying 'hey you know what, that happened to me'. It's great that pervs are finally being outed. I saw women causing outrage and 'oh my God how awful' responses just when they revealed someone called them a bitch and grabbed their ass. It's really good this is the vibe out there now - that if you act like a sexist pig, a whole bunch of women is gonna go after you. I heard awful stuff, was grabbed and called 'bitch', 'cunt' and stalked etc. I wonder if there are any women out there who haven't experienced something like this. Probably not.

I'm however shocked that after whispers of women being attacked by Trump it took a tape for Americans to go 'huh' and a bunch of morons to withdraw the support. It's only a tape. He says horrible things there but so what? Previously he did worse and nothing happened. I do not understand the public at all.

Here's new poster for Nocturnal Animals.

Billy Bush fucked himself over. This whole thing is filled with so many stupid people it's just hilarious to read about.

Paul Feig continues to sound like either a brainwashed corporate dummy or an arrogant moron. Or both. Shut up and make that Spy sequel, Paul.

Someone save that dog.

Here's the final trailer for Rogue One which has everyone nerdgasming yesterday.

Mark reviews Mulholland Drive

Feeling Fuzzier and Brittani review The Girl on the Train

Ruth reviews Bridget Jones' Baby

Jordan reviews my favorite of the year so far - The Neon Demon

FlickChicks write about Babadook

Myerla reviews Christine

m.brown reviews Honeymoon

New episode of Westworld was definitely the most confusing one yet. I sit here, feeling dumb, waiting till someone responds to my questions on reddit or our board.

We open with another one of the secret chats between Dolores and Bernard. Bernard has a gift for her - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. He asks Dolores to read several passages and wants to know what she thinks about them. He also tells her he used to read this book to his son. We then see Dolores wake up and start her daily loop.

While Dolores stares in the mirror she opens the drawer and finds a gun there. The second time she looks, gun is not there, when the mysterious voice asks "do you remember?" Dolores has a memory of Man in Black in the barn but we still don't know what exactly happened there.

We move on to William who has his first heroic adventure as he saves Clementine from an outlaw by shooting him. Important take away from that scene was that William was shot by an outlaw and he was knocked on the ground due to impact of it. In the first episode when the Man in Black was shot he had no reaction to it. It's yet another clue to William's scene happening earlier...I think.

Back in the control room Elsie talks a bit to Bernard. Turns out the crazy milk guy was talking to someone who was not there called 'Arnold'. He also killed only those of the hosts who killed him in previous storylines. Bernard seems confused by all of this and sends Elsie and Stubbs in pursuit of a missing host.

Back in the park we see Teddy and a new girl (a host? a guest?). They gun down some folks and Teddy has a brief conversation with Maeve who has a memory of seeing him in the room of horrors she saw when she woke up during her surgery.

Teddy then meets up with Dolores who wants to go away with him. He responds they will run away 'someday', with which Dolores takes issue. Then we see Ford talking to Teddy. Ford really started showing his villainous side in this episode - he told Teddy, callously, that no one ever bothered to give him a proper back story because there was no point of it. Ford introduces a new story - Teddy is to hunt a villain called Wyatt who "claims he can hear the voice of God".

On another loop we see Dolores approached by guests who wants to have their way with her. Teddy appears and they back off. Teddy then teaches Dolores how to shoot...but she cannot squeeze the trigger. A group shows up with the girl who accompanied Teddy before and they tell him they are hunting for Wyatt. He leaves with them, leaving Dolores alone.

Meanwhile Stubbs and Elsie approach a group of hosts and in one of the tents Elsie finds carvings, one of them captures her attention. She later realizes she is seeeing the carving of Orion constellation, which makes no sensed because hosts don't really know what stars are. Stubbs and her finally find a host, who is covered with blood. He lifts a huge rock and instead of attacking Elsie he bashes his own head in.

Back in the headquarters Bernard wants to have a talk with Ford. He witnesses Ford scold a technician for covering one of the hosts. Ford tells the technician that the hosts don't feel or think. Bernard tells Ford of new glitches. We are now in Ford's office, with one host playing on the piano, and a wall of faces in the background, one of them being Dolores. Ford tells Bernard of Arnold - his associate. We find out Arnold wanted to make the robots "real" - he wanted them to be like people, feel, think, be conscious. Ford says that given the nature of the park it is mercy to make the hosts forget. We also find out that Arnold died in 'an accident'.

We did get to see a brief flashback with a very impressive shot of de-aged Anthony Hopkins. We also saw Armistice and a host who greeted William in their previous roles. I found it quite strange that we didn't see Arnold in the flashback. We only saw him on a picture Ford showed Bernard but who knows if that picture was real? Ford tells Bernard to not make Arnold's mistakes and remember that the hosts aren't real. He tells Bernard he knows his son's death is still causing him pain.

We then see Bernard having a video chat with his wife, played by Gina Torres. It was a very heartbreaking scene when they remember their dead son. It really does seem like Bernard will go into Arnold's footsteps not just because of his scenes with Dolores but because we also leanred from Ford that Arnold's life was too marked with tragedy.

Meanwhile on his new quest Teddy is killed by the masked dudes who don't seem affected by him shooting at them, which leads me to believe they are some sick, sadistic guests.

Back to Dolores, Bernard tells her that he thinks he made a mistake having those chats with her and he asks her who would she want to be - someone who can think for themselves and ask questions or someone who is safe. Dolores has trouble answering but tells him she needs to discover who she is to be free. This conversation leads Bernard to abandon his notion of resetting Dolores and he decides to continue on their path of evolving.

Back in the park Dolores finds out that Teddy is most likely dead. She is back at her farm now, alone. And this is when things started to become really trippy.

Dolores sees her father dead on the ground, but suddenly his face chances to Peter, who played the part of her father previously.

The guests and the accompanying hosts are there, waiting for Dolores. One of the drags her to the barn. We see Dolores discover a gun hidden in the hay - no doubt she herself took it out of the drawer and hid it there - and this time...she hears someone say "kill him" and she shoots the approaching host. She runs out and one of the other attackers shoots her. Dolores sees a wound in her stomach but then the scene slightly rewinds and when she sees the attacker approach with a gun again, she manages to run away. In the end of the episode she collapses into William's arms.

This has given me legit headache. I have several ideas hear so bear with me:

1. I believe Ford is well aware Arnold is messing with the hosts, somehow. His new Wyatt narrative is some sort of a weapon against that. Wyatt is someone who 'hears the voice of God' and that would be the voice of Arnold.

2. Dolores actions - shooting the host - may not be triggered by Bernard. It may just be Arnold's voice saying 'kill him'. Her doing that and running into William still allows the possibility of two time frames.

3. Figuring out how does the change of her father actor and dozens of different things fit into this is impossible to grasp for me at the time. Don't ask me how Man in Black fits in here. But at this point I'm more inclined to believe he is Arnold then William. MiB says 'he is never coming back'. He is also human.

Help me, I know nothing.

This episode was directed by Neil Marshall who directed the best Game of Thrones episode - Blackwater. The episode was surprisingly light on action given how this is Marshall's strength. We got an episode centered around Dolores again which was surprising but we also got several big mysteries here the main one being Arnold and the fact that the hosts can hear the voice, which I think it's safe to assume is his.

I also have to praise Evan Rachel Wood's performance here - her acting when she is a host outside of the narrative and when she is Dolores in narrative is so different and on point. The episode was also highly unnerving and disturbing with Ford showing his ugly side of treating hosts like objects and the confirmation that Dolores exist so she could be raped by the guests, even by the hosts, simply because the narrative calls for it.

With all the loops and questions no wonder the finale of the season will be 91 minutes long, the longest finale ever to the series on HBO.

95/100

Next episode - Dissonance Theory. Dolores joins William and Logan on a bounty hunt; The Man in Black finds a critical clue in his search to unlock the maze; Dr. Ford and Theresa discuss the park's future; Maeve is troubled by a recurring vision.

Previous recaps:
1x01 The Original
1x02 Chestnut

Very short RF this week and also a day late because I had to work today. Yep, on Saturday. We were working to have Halloween off. I was divorcing people who stick dog's hair in each other shoes.

But beginning next Wednesday I will have 19-day long vacation so I'm so looking forward to it also because since I won't have to get up at 5 AM on Monday I will be able to watch Westworld live! ! Woo!

I tried to stay up on Sunday but gave up around midnight. Eh, I'm too old for this.

New episode was the weakest out of three but I cannot remember the last time I cheered as much as I did when Dolores shot that guy. YES!

But no Ed Harris killing people this ep. Sati sad.

The Walking Dead premieres tomorrow and we will ~~find out~~ see what is the outcome of Lucille scene. People knew who will die since they started shooting and noticed which cast member is absent. And AMC is now threatening spoiler sites. Again. These morons OKed the cliffhanger, weren't smart enough to pay whoever dies to hang on the set so that people wouldn't guess that character is dead based on which actor doesn't show up to the set and managed to add fuel to shit fire because I read what happens in the premiere and it makes the cliffhanger even more unnecessary, dumb and straight up insulting to the fans.

The Walking Dead airs at the same time as Westworld. Don't watch that shite people, watch Westworld. Their ratings should plummet for that cliffhanger alone, but the premiere events are equally stupid.

Also JDM as hot as he is is a kiss of death. He joins the show - and if his character doesn't die - the show either ends as soon as he joins or gets cancelled. So...yeah.

Haven't seen the last few episodes of AHS but I know what the twist is. Ryan Murphy, that yapping idiot, has been talking to the press relentlessly hyping up that twist. Turns out that twist was predicted by most of the people watching the show and isn't even much of a twist, just an easy to anticipate story progression. I even made a tweet weeks ago how I hope that this is not 'the twist' Murphy means because it means he overhyped something in the show again. Is he as delusional as to think that his idea there is original, unique or surprising? Or does he think the fans of the show are so stupid they wouldn't figure out something this obvious? Either way this is just not good.

This is even less surprising than Ryan Murphy doing a show based on Joan Crawford and Bette Davis rivalry. But why the hell are they doing Hurricane Katrina season? With 3 they have a pattern and glitzy famous crimes don't really go with whatever crime they are doing in relation to Katrina.

Haven't seen new Scream Queens yet but I know what happens. See a pattern where I read about what happens instead of watching because I have no time? I do. But SQ I am actually able to catch up with in the week it airs so it's OK. What's not OK is that this is probably its last season.

Taboopremiers in January. I have no idea what that show is gonna be about but Hardyboo is practically naked in it so that's all I need to know.

Here's J-boo following cute dogs in Japan.

I wasn't a fan of Guardians of the Galaxy 2 teaser but the poster is pretty dope.

I saw leaked Dark Tower trailer. It sucked. There is some sort of a kid who hangs with Idris Elba? What the fuck? Why do we need that kid? It makes it looks like that Nic Cage wizard mentor schlock.

I read Justice League leaked plot. It sucked. There is some space crap they're gonna combat again. Also twitchy Eisenberg is back. Nah, Batfleck run.

Who on Earth would want to watch this shit? The only thing Cara should be doing is preparing her Razzie acceptance speech.

Ladies, you're welcome.

Zahara is sideyeing in every single picture, isn't she? Also I actually had to check if that bit about farting was dlisted snark or actual part of the linked article. And it was part of it. Is Angelina aware she is not fooling people with this? Silly question. She is never aware.

Anne Hathawayis still insufferable.

Tim Miller who directed Deadpoolwon't be back for the sequel over differences with Ryan Reynolds. Meanwhile we have a shortlist for the part of Domino and Winstead would be terrific!

Who the hell isAzaelia Banks?

Lawrenceis actually addicted to casting couch. Even after she has her Oscar she just cannot resist and bang a director. Darren, I thought you have better taste than this. From Rachel Weisz to this? Really? Take penicillin, Darren.

Celebrities dressed like assholes on Doctor Strange premiere. Is RDJ on drugs again?

Here's George Clooney's dog being sad her human's lady is dressed like this. I love that George is carrying her. Gustav has been acting like a princess lately and sitting up on the first floor so I need to carry him for the next two. It's good for small dogs, though because they don't strain their legs.

Jordan reviews The Girl on the Train

Courtney reviews Moonlight

Brittani reviews The Accountant

Alex lists 61 things he loves about L.A. Confidential

FlickChicks review Krampus

m.brown reviews Me Before You

RELATED POSTS:

This is my favorite episode so far. The show took it easy on the whole mindfuck aspect of it this week and focused on good old fun. I sincerely hope you all watched it on Sunday instead of The Walking Gorefest.

Soooo damn much happened in this episode that instead of going through it scene by scene I'll just split this recap into what happened in each storyline. My least favorite scenes were Dolores' and though they were all intriguing perhaps her arc is just not as thrilling as whatever is going on with Man in Black and Maeve. Anyways Dolores is having another conversation with Bernard and he tells her of the game - the maze. He tells her that if she can get to the center of it, she can be free.

Dolores wakes up and William is there. He is very kind and attentive of her. They reach Lawrence's village where Man in Black slaughtered all those people. Dolores has a conversation with Lawrence's daughter and when the girl says 'remember' Dolores has odd flashbacks. She sees herself digging up her own grave and entering a church, no doubt the one we saw buried in the ending of episode 2.

Meanwhile we see Stubbs being informed Dolores is off her loop. Then we see Dolores approached by another host who wants to take her with him. William interrupts and tells him he is with Dolores. The host realizing that she is accompanying a guest backs off. This may be just another example of very clever editing - Dolores could simply be off her loop twice - once with William and once when Stubbs is informed of her whereabouts, meaning the two time frames are still very much possible.

A lot of other stuff happens and ultimately the group of William, Dolores and Logan are on a new path - which as we see in next week's episode promo leads to the city of sin - Pariah. Dolores also keeps having flashes of her memories, including the technicians surrounding her after she was shot.

Maeve however is having even more intense reminders of her hellish existence. She remembers again - looking at Clementine she sees her dead and the men in hazmat suits taking care of them which leads us to horrific discovery that the hosts are aware of what is going on after they 'died'. Meave feels that the bullet is still inside her and draws a picture of a man in a hazmat suit. When she intends to hide it, she finds previous pictures of that man hidden under the floor. Pictures she has no memory of drawing. This was like something straight out of Memento.

Later as the Indians walk through the town a girl drops a toy - a figure of a man in a hazmat suit. Maeve picks it up. Hector's gang attacks the town again and Maeve remembers he deals with the savages. So she tells him that she will give him the combination to the safe if he tells her what he knows of the figurine. He tells her that this is some sort of devil and Maeve wants him to check if there is a bullet inside her. And indeed they find it after which they kiss.

And in this episode we finally caught up with our favorite lovely road trip buddies - Man in Black and Lawrence. Appropriately the first time we see them MiB is killing snakes. He is at loss, given how the riddle spoke of snakes and yet he cannot find anything...until they both see naked Armistice bathing in the river. As in the girl with the snake tattoo.

Since it's been 1 episode since MiB killed someone, he shoots two dudes and impressed Armistice lets him and Lawrence, who has had enough of that shit, join their gang. MiB is very interested in finding out the back story of Armistice's tattoo. In exchange he agrees to break Hector out of prison. All he needs is one gun, one man and one match.

We get a truly badass prison break sequence in which MiB gets himself into prison and then lights a match. Stubbs gets a request for some effects and allows it - turns out that match being lit is simply a signal for headquarters to help out their guest with some effects in the game. The entire thing was so entertaining to watch and I loved how when MiB and Hector were rescuing Lawrence we didn't even see the shootout - we just heard it. This show doesn't get enough credit for imaginative scenes where less is truly more.

Hector and our duo meet up with Armistice and as promised she tells MiB her story. Her family was slaughtered and she then kept finding men who did it and tattoo is made out of their blood. But there is one left. A man named...Wyatt (the centerpiece of Ford's new narrative). MiB smiles when he hears that name.

There was also a big reveal before that as MiB was camping with these guys - another guest came up to him saying he recognizes him from the real world and that his foundation saved his sister's life. MiB is annoyed by this and tells the guest to basically shut the fuck up because he is on vacation. In new interview with EW Jonathan Nolan talks of how MiB is basically someone who is a wonderful person outside but plays violent computer gamers. I love that. It really introduces such an interesting dichotomy - what is truly defining? Who we are in the outside world or who we become when we indulge in our fantasies?

Another big thing - in one scene MiB talks to Armistice of...Arnold. Telling her Arnold was a settler of these parts and you could do whatever you wanted...except for one thing - you couldn't die. MiB says that Arnold broke his own rule but he believes he had one more story to tell.

Anyways MiB and Lawrence leave Armistice and Hector and they see someone strapped to a tree...and it's of course Teddy. I cracked up at MiB's remark that he should have known it was Teddy. Well of course, he is like Kenny of Westworld. MiB decides to take Teddy with him.

Meanwhile, back in the headquarters Elsie is having more and more doubts and is becoming convinced what is going on is not a simple glitch. Bernard doesn't pay much attention to her concerns. The most important thing that happened in 'the real world' was the scene in which Theresa went to talk with Ford.

She met with him in a villa next to the new construction site inside the park where the hosts are building 'sets' for Ford's new narrative. The scene begins calmly but suddenly the waiter keeps pouring wine and doesn't stop while it's overflowing the glass. Turns out he is a host and all the other hosts freeze at Ford command. Theresa is freaked out, realizing that Ford is much more dangerous and powerful than she thought. He basically tells her to back off and let him go on with his new narrative.

He also informs her that 'they' know everything about the guests and employees and let's her know he knows of her relationship with Bernard and tells her to be gentle with him because he is sensitive. He also tells her that the board already sent a representative to the park, leaving us with another question - who could that be? Is it Man in Black?

All around this was a fantastic episode and it was surprising how even though it was directed by Vincenzo Natali who directed Cube it was the most straight forward episode to date. Such huge chunks of it was just pure fun and there was even a little bit of humour there mostly thanks to Man in Black and Hector.

I also loved the chemistry between characters - William and Dolores are incredibly sweet together. I wasn't sure I'd ship them over her and Teddy but I'm on board now - the romance between a human and a robot seems like a very intriguing idea and I cannot wait to see how the show explores it. Another two people who had great chemistry were Man in Black and Armistice - I think he actually admired how badass and capable she was.

And finally we had the explosive chemistry of Hector and Maeve who are probably gonna be lovers on the run towards freedom. I'm digging all of this. The variety of pairings and the interesting character interactions are so much fun to behold.

98/100

Next episode is entitled Contrapasso, which means "suffer the opposite" and refers to the punishment of souls in Dante's Inferno, "by a process either resembling or contrasting with the sin itself." A similar process, though a penitential one, occurs in the Purgatorio.

Here's the plot summary: Dolores, William and Logan reach Pariah, a town built on decadence and transgression, and are recruited for a dangerous mission; The Man in Black meets an unlikely ally in his search to unlock the maze.

Evan Rachel Wood hyped this episode on her twitter saying that this is where shit hits the fan. But where it is at for me? Anthony Hopkins and Ed Harris in one fucking scene. Heat-levels of awesome.

Previous recaps:
1x01 The Original
1x02 Chestnut
1x03 The Stray

So I almost shat myself when that stuff above happened in the promo for next episode. We are getting our very own Heat moment in Westworld - Hopkins and Harris in one scene at last!

Evan Rachel Wood hyped that episode and I have a feeling some mind blowing stuff goes on in it. I am so fucking glad I'm on my vacation right now (Day 2 of 19 so far!) so I can watch it live on Sunday at 3 AM. This show is everything!

Today HBO submitted 7 actors for Golden Globes consideration

So The Walking Dead returned this week and it airs at the same time as Westworld. The Walking Dead got 17 million viewers and it knocked Westworld audience below 2 million. Why don't you people love yourselves? There is a wonderful show on TV and you watch this misery gorefest shitfest! Come on! WATCH WESTWORLD FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

Game of Thrones treated its fans awfully by trolling Lady Stoneheart fans for years (which is my reason for no longer looking forward to the show, I probably won't even watch it week by week. And judging from the leaks I read about the show appears to be dumber than usual this year. One thing to say here - LOL. Cannot wait for those claiming it's amazing have a meltdown over it) but that was just a portion of their fanbase. The Walking Dead has literally shat on everyone. First of all it's just disgusting that they circled the promotion of two seasons around gruesome deaths of characters. They even had a showing of that premiere on the cemetery. What the fuck? Actual real people are buried there. Second of all, their treatment of the actors who played the victims. So instead of killing them off last season these two guys were forced to lie and pretend they don't know who dies. And finally this premiere was just so bad. Everyone figured out who will die because hardcore fans noticed which actors weren't there for majority of shooting. So it just felt exploitative as fuck. Which is disgusting. The characters and their fans deserved better than this. But that this ridiculous cliffhanger/ratings grab worked is even more disgusting. I was going to watch the show for JDM but damn, that show is just so bad I cannot bring myself to watch it.

Fortunately I saw a lot of people declare they are giving up on that one because the show just went too far with their trolling and disrespect for the fans. Save yourselves. Come to Westworld fandom. We have batshit theories and awesome show for you to watch.

So Gone Baby Gone was on TV on Saturday and since not much was going on where I live - which is my Westworld board and reddit for Westworld - I was like hey, let's watch it. Oh God. I did not like that movie 10 years ago when it was all the rage and I did not like it now. It's wonderfully directed but there is this one moment which is just fucking embarrassing where Casey Affleck figures the whole thing out in the pub and there are those expositions flashbacks of the scenes he wasn't in just to let the audience understand the whole thing. It was so bad. The film has great acting but fuck me, is that story dumb. Couldn't Morgan Freeman just adopt some kid? And that awful ending where they give the kid back to her mother's because she is her mother. Really? Why is this movie so acclaimed?

I also saw Apollo 13 for the very first time.

Like I saw all of it. Took me two days but this is the first time I saw complete movie actually focusing on it and not kinda watching it on TV with one eye since...I don't remember.

It really hit me that Gravity and Argo borrowed so much from that flick. Gravity even has the exact same sequence where the rescue pod or whatever that thing is called is falling towards the Earth.

And seriously we need to address this - holy shit did Ed Harris look insanely handsome in this.

He is so attractive but he shares Fassbender's 'looks at least 20 years older than he is/my God why didn't you moisturize' issue. That movie was 20 years ago, but he looks 50 years older on Westworld right now. The guy is 66 yet if they tell us that Man in Black is fucking 90 years old, honestly I'll buy it.

I think Fassbender will age even worse. What is happening with these men, you guys?! Can't J-boo split his genes and like shower them with those?

No wonder he was Oscar nominated for this, that was a wonderful performance. I was surprised the actress who played Hanks' wife was nominated too, I swear some of those female supporting nominations are just odd to me.

I also saw Bad Moms which was very funny. Kathryn Hahn was as usual spectacular and played such a funny character. Mila Kunis was a little tough to buy as a mother of such big kids but she was also very funny in this film.

Light on gossip this week since I usually read all the gossip sites at work and I have been on my vacation since Wednesday. So I really have no gossip for ya this week other than actual movie news which is...

...Viola Davis' snot is officially being campaigned in Best Supporting Actress category for Award season. So we need to prepare ourselves for her getting up there and having another preachy and "important" speech and everyone giving her a standing ovation. And what's worse? Portman is gonna have two Oscars now.

Ocean's Eight started shooting. I hope that dog is gonna be in the movie. Also Cate Blanchett's clothes is what is getting me excited for it.

I am 100% certain this movie will not be getting the backlash treatment Ghostbusters did. First of all while Ocean's trilogy is well known it isn't a classic like "Ghostbusters". Second of all, apparently instead of a reboot this is a spin-off with Bullock's playing Danny Ocean's sister. And finally I don't know why but I have a feeling no one will be trashing Cate Blanchett or Sandra Bullock as much as Leslie Jones. It's because they are more famous. Take a look at everything that is going on - someone with 10 twitter followers posts they were harassed, nothing. Someone with 10,000? Shitstorm. The more famous the actress, the less balls the trolls have.

FlickChicks review Orphan

Brittani reviews The Neon Demon

Andrew gives out his awards for 2001

Jordan trashes Inferno

RELATED POSTS:

Last night's episode of Westworld is hailed as the best one yet by majority of the reviewers but since I am shallow as hell I did like the pure old Western fun and the jail break sequence of last week a little more than Contrapasso. That said this episode took us perhaps the furthest down the park and ironically we didn't spend a moment in the main town of Sweetwater.

The episode opened with Ford talking to Old Bill about the old dog he had. The moment he mentioned that dog me being me got so nervous something will happen to the dog. Ford story was about his brother letting the dog off the leash and the dog chasing after a cat, ultimately ripping it to shreds. The dog sat there after killing it, confused. Now that was a story that parallels a number of things - Man in Back chasing the Maze for whatever reasons, the hosts chasing freedom (what will they do if and when they have it?) and Ford creating that park, but to what end?

Then we see Dolores, Logan and William along with their host companion standing in front of a city of Pariah, which is essentially the Las Vegas of the park. Dolores is hearing voices again. Inside the city we see a bit of debauchery going on as Logan explains to William that this section of the park is the most elaborate one and drops few hints about Arnold, a guy who made the park happen and how there isn't even a photo of him. That's interesting since we did see a photo, Ford claimed to be Arnold but who knows anything anymore?

Meanwhile, Man in Black notices that Teddy is close to dying so him and Lawrence stop. A little boy, I think the same one Ford saw few episodes back, shows up and MiB sends him to get water. He then empties their water sack, slits Lawrence's throat and hangs him up from the tree upside down so that the blood gets into the sack. I was so damn confused.

We check in with the two technicians that Maeve woke up on in episode 2. One of them, Felix Lutz (took a while for me to figure out that his name is Felix, I was like why he was called that in the episode when the character is Lutz on imdb? Felix Lutz, duh, Sati) is clearly less douchy than the other one who mentions he has some VR fun waiting for him. In new EW interview Lisa Joy mentioned how the wealthy people can go have their fun in a real place like the park but those less wealthy have VR at their disposal.

Meanwhile, it turns out that MiB put some of Lawrence's blood into Teddy to keep him alive. He mentions that Wyatt men have Dolores so Teddy is immediately interested in going with Man in Black, thinking that their mission is to get Dolores back.

Back in Pariah Dolores is having a conversation with William asking him what he means by saying 'real world' and showing him incredible amounts of depth for a host. William starts noticing that Dolores is far more human than he was led to believe by Logan when he was telling him about the hosts. Dolores then sees herself walk with the parade. She follows her double until someone whispers the sleep command and Dolores faints.

We then see Dolores in the corporate headquarters being questioned by Ford. Ford asks her questions about Arnold and she responds the last time she had contact with Arnold was 34 years ago. She says Arnold told her she will help him bring an end to this place. Ford is clearly clueless and in desperate need of answers and it seems that Arnold is outsmarting him, especially that after he leaves Dolores says that he knows nothing and she didn't tell him anything, and she is clearly speaking to Arnold.

Meanwhile Felix is working on an artificial bird trying to bring it back. The other technician walks in on him and freaks out about Felix doing that, making fun of his ambitions of being something more than just 'a butcher'.

In Pariah our group meets the big boss....and it's Lawrence, only going by the name of El Lazo. He recruits them on a mission - the robbery of a stage coach to get an explosive liquid. Dolores finally gets a change of clothes and a gun and her, William, Logan and accompanying host rob a stagecoach during which a fight occurs. Logan is getting strangled and William shoots a whole bunch of hosts to save him. The host who accompanied the group is dead too. El Lazo is happy and invites the group to stay and party in Pariah.

Back in the headquarters Elsie is teaching a host how to pour water. At one point of a scene this dude's junk took half the screen (HBO, man. I almost spat out my tea. That's right, tea. I'm too dumb to comprehend this show sober so I cannot be drinking watching it). Elsie sees the body of a host who tried to kill her being taken away and she finds out he is about to be incinerated. She then blackmails one of the technicians with a photo of him having sex with a dead host. Elsie examines the body of her attacker and finds a wire in his arm. She goes to Bernard and tells him that someone is using the hosts to smuggle data out of the park.

In Pariah, during a party filled with nudity and sex Logan taunts William and William finally snaps and has enough of Logan. At that time Dolores is wandering around the building and finds a room with a woman holding cards. She picks a card - and it has a maze on it. When Dolores looks up she sees herself sitting opposite of her telling her she needs to find the maze. Dolores then finds the wire in her arm (a vision), freaks out and runs.

Dolores then sees El Lazo pouring the contents of the stolen explosive liquid into the body of a dead host. She then finds William and tells him they need to run. She tells him of a voice telling her she needs him and the two kiss. Meanwhile the guys who hired them to dothe robbery find out that explosives are not in the bottle and start to beat up Logan. Dolores and William see it but William decides not to help him. As they run away, Logan smiles.

Dolores and William are ambushed. William is getting beaten up and tells Dolores to run but instead...in a matter of seconds she guns all of the attackers down. William is stunned and asks Dolores how she did that and she responds that she imagined a story where she wasn't a damsel. That was such an amazing moment. I think everyone watching cheered at Dolores doing all of that.

Dolores and William manage to board a train and escape from Pariah. And there they find El Lazo with a coffin - inside a host, filled with explosives. The group decides not to kill each other. Dolores sees a maze drawn on the coffin and says "I'm coming". And we see William and Lawrence not being there behind her...what is going on?

Then we see Main in Black and Teddy enter a bar. Suddenly Ford joins them. Man in Black is clearly surprised and asks Teddy if he knows who this is and Teddy of course doesn't. Man in Black and Ford clearly go a long way back. MiB informs him that he always thought this place lacked a proper villain and MiB wants to fill the role. MiB asks him if Wyatt, a new character, is a worthy adversary to stop him from finding the center of the maze.

We find out something really interesting - Man in Black says that when Arnold died 35 years ago he almost took that place with him but he stopped him. Man in Black and Ford talk some more and Ford 'heals' Teddy just by touching his arm. He lets Man in Black know he is not there to stop him and he should continue on his journey. But at one point of the sequence with these two MiB wonders what he would find if he opened Ford up and pulls a knife on him. Seemingly that scene was there to show us Teddy's reflex to protect a guest from harm. But that is a very weird moment - why did MiB threatened Ford like that?

In any case that scene was such a treat - there were many intense scenes this episode but this one was the best. Seeing Hopkins and Harris simply sitting there, talking was just so much fun and joy. They both clearly have fun playing those characters and it's not the first time they shared the screen (Nixon, The Human Stain, maybe I'm missing more?) but I haven't seen them in an intense showdown like that before. Hopefully they will meet in the series again.

In the episode's wonderful final moment we are back to Felix who is working on coding that bird again. Suddenly the bird is awake and starts flying around to Felix's delight. Felix spins around watching the bird until he stops - upon seeing Maeve, sitting there, with bird on her hand. She knows Felix's name and tells him they need to have a chat.

In the episode filled with confusing moments that final scene was perhaps the one that was the most confusing - and I am referring to how calm Maeve was. Last episode she was still very much clueless - she knew there are some weird people in hazmat suits visiting her world and that she has been shot but that was it. Here we see Maeve completely calm - the kind of calm she could be only if she understands her entire predicament and has a plan of escaping.

It was suggested by the fans that perhaps Maeve, having the ability to wake herself up, pretended to be asleep. It seems from the future episode's summaries that she will blackmail Felix and that creepy technician to help her out. We also see her, Armistice and Hector attacking...it's very interesting how Maeve is trying to break the barrier physically, while Dolores is breaking it mentally.

(Cover song in this episode: Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can Never Have)

96/100

Next episode - The Adversary. Lutz is charmed by Maeve; Elsie discovers evidence that could point to sabotage; the Man in Black and Teddy clash with a garrison.

Below you can see the trailer for all the remaining episodes and here is my breakdown of screencaps from it.

Previous recaps:
1x01 The Original
1x02 Chestnut
1x03 The Stray
1x04 Dissonance Theory

(248) Protect the glorious unicorn* at all costs + links

(249) My brakes are broken lately, baby + links

Sunshine Blogger Award

(250) Boopocalypse + links

(251) Gucci NO + links

The Neon Demon

(252) We are about to get those Ford/Leto pictures... + links

Visual Parallels: The Neon Demon + Black Swan

(253) The great crazy snapchat watch of 2016 + links

(254) and Jennifer laughed + links

(255) Bunnies, bubbles and balloons + links

Westworld 1x01 The Original

(256) These violent delights + links

Westworld 1x02 Chestnut

(257) ...have violent ends + links

Westworld 1x03 The Stray

(258) Dolores in Tortureland + links

Westworld 1x04 Dissonance Theory

(259) Save yourselves, TWD fans + links

Westworld 1x05 Contrapasso